October 11th Is National Coming Out Day

Saturday, October 11th, is National Coming Out Day. National Coming Out Day has been celebrated every October 11 since 1988, as a way commemorate the first March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights, which was in October of 1987.

The primary goal of National Coming Out Day is to gain visibility of GLBT people in the communities we live in, and to promote awareness of GLBT issues. Cities across the country are holding events to celebrate the day.

Check out the HRC site to find an event near you.

Saturday would be a great day to come out, if you are not out already. If you are out, it's a great time to support and encourage others in our community who need a little help and encouragement coming out and living an out life. We've all been through, or will one day go through, coming out. We've all been afraid of losing friends and family, fearing everyone will abandon us and no one will understand us. It's not easy for anyone. Yes, coming out can suck. It can be full of anguish and turmoil. But, once past all that, there is a life of freedom and happiness waiting to be lived.

If you're looking for stories to encourage or inspire you, The Lesbian Question has been posting Coming Out Stories, submitted by the readers the last couple of weeks, in an series called Out Of The Closet. Also, Rachel Edidin, who writes the blog Inside Out, is planning a couple of posts about coming out scenes in comics, and coming out around comic and the comic community.I think those will be really interesting posts, I'm looking forward to them.

Once out, it's important to stay out. Visibility makes a difference in how straight people view GLBT people and GLBT issues. Like anything, unless you live something, or someone close you does, you are likely blind to certain things. Out of sight, out of mind. It is important for the straight community to see that we exist and we are just like them. Our relationships are just as important, and as valuable theirs. Hiding our relationships only hurts us by devaluing and disrespecting our relationships.

Visibility is important, but just how visible is visible? How out do we need to be to be seen? And do we need to be visible to everyone who crosses our path? Donna Rudolph wrote a really interesting post talking about many of these questions in regard to parenting and visibility, at 365 Gay.

It has become something of a truism in LGBT parenting circles to talk about how having kids means being out to everyone-teachers, plumbers, cashiers at the grocery store. Kids, as any parent will tell you, can't keep closet doors closed.
One "Hey, Mommy and Mama!" across the produce aisle, and your cover is blown.

For me, however, the problem is not being outed, it's assuming everyone knows I'm a lesbian when in fact, I am as invisible as Maddow was to my relative. Even when I try to be open about it, people hear "Alan" when I talk of "Helen" and miss my use of pronouns.
read full post- Rudolph: Heterosexual assumptions

Though I don't yet have the issue of children outing me at every turn, I can relate to assuming that everyone knows that I'm a lesbian. It's funny, it always throws me when people assume that I'm straight. And why wouldn't they make that assumption? I forget that not everyone has gaydar, and I don't go around carrying a sign that says, "hey, I'm a lesbian." But really, does everyone need to know? I don't hide my relationship, but I don't go out of my way to advertise it either. If it comes up and it's of some relevance, I'm honest.

While I don't find it so important to make sure every waitress, cashier, any other person who I meet briefly knows that I'm gay, I do think it it is important to represent at a local GLBT event. Visibility will be represented in numbers. Which is why Betty Please and I will be attending the local National Coming Out Day event in our town, OUToberfest. It's the first big event that I can think of, that my town has had. I'm really interested to see what kind of turn out the event gets.

Are you doing anything for National Coming Out Day?

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe (view blog

) on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 01:23

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OUToberfest

Congratulations for going to this event - for having (finally) a big town event to attend. :-)

I am not a fan of Coming Out Day, so I don't expect to be doing anything special. :-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 05:25

OUToberfest should be

OUToberfest should be interesting. How could I posibly resist seeing how this turns out, our town's first big event. They actually got a permit to block off a few streets downtown and everything.

According to Betty Please, campus has stuff every year. She's so much more tuned into to these sorts of things. I am totally oblivious most of the time.

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 19:26

Not coming out at work

It has always been my policy to keep my personal life out of the work place. Before anyone says straight people don't keep their personal lives out of the work place, remember that 30 or 40 years ago, gays got fired and/or not promoted for coming out at work.

My industry in this community is rather small, insular, and gossipy.

Later in my work life, when it was more safe to come out, I decided that, as a supervisor, I did not want all of the complications that might come with that. While I suspect that many of my young nurses would be perfectly OK with my sexuality, others would be distracted and distressed. I don't want to deal with their sexuality issues while I am trying to run my department.

We have an out lesbian department head. The problem? There are a number of issues I have to address that she cannot because of the accusations employees could lob at her. They like her OK but she's still the lesbian department head. I'm just the crotchety old broad and I can say things to employees that she cannot.

However, if a younger person came to me tell me they wanted to come out at work, I would encourage and support that. But I would also let them know that it is absolutely their personal choice.

National Coming Out Day is a good idea. But everyone has to understand that "outing" others is a terrible idea and that coming out is a choice, not an obligation. In the workplace, everyone has a personal agenda.

In general terms, I believe it is my responsibility as an adult citizen to set a good example for young people. But I do not have to tell them I am a lesbian to give them permission to be who they are.

I speak up when I hear gay bashing. I hire people who are out gay, lesbian, and transexual. And I tell all of my employees, gay or straight, when the subject arises, "Don't talk to me about your sex life. That's your personal business."

On National Coming Out Day, I will quietly celebrate the fact that the world is indeed changing.

Always in trouble...

Submitted by NursePam on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 06:34

There is nothing wrong with

There is nothing wrong with a little discression at work if you can actually keep your personal life private. I think where people run into problems with that sitution is that it ends up turning your sexuality into a bigger issue than it is. I think sometimes by going out of your way to hide your personal life you end up turning it into a mission for others to find out what you're hiding. That is not to say that everyone should be out, even if they think it would cause problems in their work enviornment, but I think we set ourselves up being the topic of gossip, and making sexuality a big dead, when we go to extremes to hide ourselves.

I've never quite understood why some people feel the need to out people, That's just wrong,

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 19:46

Thank you for this, Zoe

If childcare pulls through, I'll be going to an all-day conference on Queer Families in San Francisco. Ironically, I probably won't be doing the visibility cause any good: everyone I'll be out to will be out, too!

But I do hope to get done with my dayjob work in time to be able to post something about the occasion. The thing that is so compelling to me is how DRAMATICALLY people's attitudes change, regarding LGBT people, when they actually realize they KNOW one.

Like anyone doesn't know a gay person, or have one in their family. The point, unless we're all out, is that there actually will be people who think they don't know anyone gay. Given what's at stake (basic civil rights and safety from violence, essentially: Lawrence King's name ring a recent bell?).

For that reason (if not for a zillion others), I celebrate the day with gratitude and zeal.

Submitted by Lesbian Dad on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 10:13

A conference on Queer

A conference on Queer Families sounds like a good way to spend the day. It sounds interesting too. I hope your childcare works out.

I do think, I should say I know from conversations with friends and family, that knowing openinly gay people does impact straight peoples attitudes towards GLBT people. Take my sister in law for example, who said to me that she didn't expect us to be so normal. She couldn't believe that our relationship was like a real relationship, you know where one person gets mad at the other person for leaving sock on the floor, or for putting the toilet paper roll on backwards, or whatever. Of course now I feel a little bad for my brother because he's always catching crap for not being more like me. But that's his problem, not mine. Anyway, my point is, that now she is totally in tune to GLBT issues, where before knowing us, she wasn't.

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 20:11

I've been there!

I definitely agree with you on just assuming people already know I'm a lesbian. When I get asked if I have a boyfriend it just shocks me and then I laugh, not impolitely, but the idea is just foreign to me now.

Coming out Day is so important, and few people realize the true significance behind it. I'm not sure if I'll be doing anything for it since there's not much to do in Northern Wisconsin (and since I was just down in the cities, I don't have the funds to head back down for another weekend), but I'll be sure to blog about it and my own experiences.

Thank you for posting this!

Submitted by yotebug on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 11:45

The assumption of straight,

The assumption of straight, and hearing that this is a common thing, is giving me an idea for a post about gaydar. Is it a real thing? Why is it that gay people can pick up ques of fellow gays but many straight people can't?

Do blog about your experience. I think it inspires others to read what someone else has gone through.

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 20:24

Visibility is important

"It is important for the straight community to see that we exist and we
are just like them. Our relationships are just as important, and as
valuable theirs. Hiding our relationships only hurts us by devaluing
and disrespecting our relationships."

This is very true. Gays were "out of sight, out of mind" for me until I met a couple of lesbians who lived next door to us. I can no longer be indifferent to gays' rights, simply because after watching their love and devotion to each other I believe that their relationship (marriage actually - they just got married!) is just as real as my marriage.

---

I blog at MomGrind

I manage my kids' activities at UpToUs

Submitted by Vered on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 18:52

Thanks for adding some

Thanks for adding some evidence to the issue of visibility. We need the support of our straight friends. Actually, I should also say thanks to your neighbors for being visible, and for turning you into such an advocate.

Submitted by no_I_am_zoe on Thu, 10/09/2008 - 20:36

Lucky for me, I guess

any time someone has "gone there" someone else has always stepped in to stop it. Maybe the secret is that I just don't discuss it with anyone. I'm not saying plenty of people haven't guessed I'm gay. I don't support the speculation either way. I hold no illusion that my employees do not say all kinds of things behind my back.

Once, when a nurse got on the "Are you a lesbian?" until she drove me to distraction, I finally said "Yes, I am." At that point she started laughing hysterically because it was a set up for some stupid joke I cannot even remember. It didn't occur to her that I was telling the truth. And I had a crew cut at the time. Go figure.

If someone did out me at this point, it wouldn't matter to my career one way or the other. It would just compicate certain things I have to deal with on the job.

Always in trouble...

Submitted by NursePam on Fri, 10/10/2008 - 07:02

outoberfest gift

From the state of Connecticut.

May the GLBT community enjoy similar recognition and validation every year!

http://nakedanarchists.wordpress.com

Submitted by nakedanarchists on Sat, 10/11/2008 - 13:44

As for being out at work...

As for being out at work... its a given for me... I can't lie to save my life and I refuse to hide behind anothers issues for them to feel more comfortable. I have been hit on, stalked and harassed. Both when I was married to my husband and when I came out in 96, it was more of the same, except with women this time. So no real difference in my opinion. So I embrace being out, march proudly in the parades and offer quiet solidarity when a sister needs more understaning than truth. But all in all, its a great life.

However.... my gaydar is broken. I couldn't tell a lesbian if I tripped over her. I kid you not.

Submitted by Luciee on Tue, 10/14/2008 - 15:55