In the early 90s I had a friend who was in charge of marketing for a major corporation. We were friends. Our daughter were friends. One day she calls me asking for references--she wanted to hire an agency to do some marketing communications.
I was stunned because I did marketing communications. I asked her why she wasn't considering me for the project. Her response--"We're friends.I wouldn't want work to ruin our friendship."
I remember chuckling and pointing out that that was such a female response and that men would always have their friends do the job regardless of whether they were qualified or not.

My remark had an impact. She allowed me to present a proposal. I didn't get the project but a couple of years later, she reconsidered and hired me.

As far as Vargas goes--I think I read she said this was a "surprise" pregnancy . In TV it's all about the ratings. If she was delivering, I doubt they would have an issue with the fact that she was "with child".

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

This is along the lines of something I recently was discussing with another woman from my mothers club. She was lamenting the fact that the mothers in the club didn't network with each other. I was surprised when she first mentioned it because I seriously hadn't considered it; I was using the club as a way to meet other moms. I didn't associate the other moms with networking opportunities.

She illustrated some ways in which my thinking was wrong. For one thing, many women in our club also work. They could be using the club email list to find job seekers and yet they rarely do. And many moms might enjoy finding out about job opportunities, too, especially opportunities for part time employment that didn't involve plastic or cooking utensils.

But even more generally, knowing a woman's skill set might come in handy when you were wondering whom to hire to design a website or write an article or sell a house. In the mothers club, we tend to think "mother" is the occupation of a woman once she has a child. That kind of thinking isn't helping the women understand each other's potential outside of the possibility of a playgroup partner. The separation of personal and professional is very much in effect.

It's almost taboo to talk about returning to work when you're with a group of SAHMs. I've found this out the hard (and silent) way. And yet, it's ridiculous to think a woman who opts out of work for a number of years to raise an infant won't one day return to "work," whatever that means. Most women do; most women want to. But the women I've met (many, not all) don't want to think that far into the future.

So perhaps in addition to networking more (networking is not a dirty word!), having goals and a life vision that extends beyond the childbearing years is important, too.

Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family
Mom Writes

I think the situation with Elizabeth Vargas is the result of lots of different factors and is probably not the strongest example of glass ceiling discrimination to use to rally around. The 20-20 gig is one that she had before WNT and has held while anchoring WNT so perhaps both shows coupled with needing two months of bed rest, the prospect of now raising two young children not just one and the fact that her husband was shot and almost killed in a carjacking not too long ago may have have pushed her to accepting the likely fact that ABC wanted her out because WNT slipped to third place on her watch. ABC tried Sawyer and Gibson paired with Vargas and alone and I'd be willing to bet, given evening news demographics (primarily men 50+), Gibson got the best raitings. Plopping a couple of 40-somethings behind the desk and adding a webcast clearly isn't enough to get you advertising friendly 18-49 demographics.

On making the deal, we can strive to do this in our daily lives. Even if we aren't in a position to make the bigger professional deals, we can start with smaller choices in our lives and hopefully influence bigger scale change.

When I moved into my current place and needed extra keys a neighbor turned me on to a local woman-owned locksmith. It's an easy thing for me to choose to give these women my tiny bit of business rather than go to any old hardware shop or big-box home improvement store. I hired a personal organizer and was happy to hire and support a woman who is building her business as am I.

Here's a link to a woman who chose to hire a woman and to think about her payment as a "donation" in that she is also supporting this woman's choices, shared values and ability to raise her child as a single mother.

I can rationalize her prices by thinking of it as my donation to support a woman who chose life. We don't donate as much to charities as *I* would like, and dh is fine with me "donating" in this way. ... I feel good about helping her in this endevor too, especially if she is talented - I'll be happy to sing her praises to anyone who will listen if she is good, and then she can spend more time with her daughter by dropping her other part time job.

Women and their ability to hold and maintain both jobs and connections. A very good topic, indeed.

For years we've heard, in sexual relationships at least, that women tend to be competitive with each other for men for a myriad of reasons: shortage of guys, breeding with the best, insecurity, whatever. The list is long and questionable in my opinion.

But with relationships in general, it does seem to me that we fail to intermix friendships with professionalism for some reason we all carry within us. I just am not sure what that reason is.

We reach out to each other for parenting information and support. We listen and advise in relationships. Why is reaching out professionally, connecting as women, so hard in the working world? Like mixing money and friendship, we're afraid to hire and use female professional acquaintances and friends because mixing the two would cause us to lose one or the other. Is it really a choice? Isn't that like not dating a guy friend for fear the eventual breakup would cause the death of the friendship?

I think that there is some emotional immaturity at play here, on a society level. No one teaches us how to network while in college or the first years of our professions. And if you drop out of the work world a while to nurture families or take a mental sabbatical (God knows I want to) isolationism is your number one combatant.

There is a glaring need for mentorship in the ranks of women. Not just in learning the ropes of your chosen field, but learning how to relate to your fellow woman beyond friendship, motherhood and other shared biological experiences. It's not a competition. It's helping a sister out.

As far as Vargas goes, I really don't see this as a glass-ceiling issue.

ABC has tried to figure out where she needs to be for a while now. She's an awesome journalist to be sure, but does she really connect with the audience the way Charlie does?

Charlie and Katie have something in common -- years of honing that folksy, neighbor banter-driven persona on morning television. It's what attracts us, holds us, and what will make Katie believable 6 p.m.. She and Charlie are family. Vargas is a journalist.

Sneadwoman
Now, What Am I Doing?
Use Your Words

I know that the tv news personalities all dream of becoming anchors of network news. Big money, lots of prestige. But these days, is it the winning next step?

Monster paychecks aside, the network news demographic is aging and the audiences are shrinking. Anyone who's serious about getting serious news knows that the networks are not where to find it -- the 20-minute broadcasts are too superficial. Can anyone really say that the network news shows are doing any heavy lifting? They try, but placing anchors into harm's way (my heart goes out to Bob Woodruff) doesn't make the news better, does it? In the end, it seems that what's more remarkable is what they leave out of each broadcast -- all those things they didn't have time or inclination to cover even in their sound-bite-centric way.

So isn't moving in to anchor nightly news something akin to assuming command of the Titanic? Does network news have much of a future, given that they are run by corporate and their value is measured by profit line? Once convergence happens, will the same rules apply? Aren't the nascent online divisions where the real excitement will happen?

Personally I don't know if I could stand being a newsreader, whatever the financial rewards. It sounds so boring. Give me an interview or a documentary piece to do -- that sounds much more fun, to be honest.

Laura Scott
design, snap, blog

I have been reading the various comments from people regarding the so-called "demotion" of Elizabeth Vargas. I think that people may be reading more into the situation than is really there. Consider the fact that she is 43 years old now, and being pregnant at 43, even though this isn't her first pregnancy isn't going to be easy. She has stated that she requested this move after consulting with her doctors. That being said, I am surmising that she and her doctors considered the pressure and all of the time that she would have to commit to her job as an anchor, and came to the decision that for a 43 year old pregnant woman, that alieviating some obvious stressors, and pressures would be a wise move, and would possibly minimize any potential complications that might arise in her pregnancy. More over, I can easily understand why she would want to spend more time with her family. There are women who, athough they want to pursue careers, don't want to sacrifice time with their young children for their careers. Spending time with young children and babies is something she can never get back. Her career will be there after the baby is born, and when she is ready to return to it full time. Obviously ABC was aware of the possibility that she was going to have children when they hired her. If they were concerned about it, they would or should have dealt with it then. Why are people making a big deal out of a decision that any woman is entitled to make? And frankly, what she decides is really nobody else's business. It is between her, her family, her doctors and ABC. Why not just see it as what it is -- maternity leave?

Susan K. Beal

I believe one of the reasons we don't network with and ask for business from our girlfriends is the whole money thing.
I still know many smart, successful women who insist they don't do their work for the money, as if there is something inherently evil about wanting to make money. As if we need to share our knowledge and do our work to make the world a better place but not in order to buy ourselves a new car, or take a nice vacation to a spa. I want to make money -- lots of it, so I can give generously to charities I care about, live comfortably and not worry about money. But I also provide a valuable service that is worth every penny I charge. I'm in the process of letting every girlfriend I have know exactly what I offer. I may or may not get business, but how dumb would it be for them to refer business to someone else because I was too timid to share? And I hope my girlfriends do the same with me. I want the people I care most about to be successful so I will do all I can to help them!

I love Fran's advice!

What an interesting discussion, Jory. I hope Fran blogs or at least writes about women networking eventually. I think you are definitely both onto something there.
The way men compete without 'counting the cost' is also something we've talked about a while ago on Pause (I think) - at the time I think I summarised it in Phyllis Chesler's terms, 'get over it and move on'. Fear of painful conflict, especially with peers one wants to have for friends as well, might be holding women back from the more constructive aspects of male ways of doing business.
Great post and comments, thank you.

Genevieve blogs at
you cried for night
and
the weblog repository

I don't think it's an issue of women networking less then men or not as well as men. Afterall, there are a lot of professional associations out there specifically for businesswomen to network with each other and plenty of other organizations for both men and women to get together to network and I know a lot of women that can work a room like nobody's business. Men and women just view networking differntly. Men take any and every opportunity or occasion to network, whether it's social, business, whatever. Women, on the other hand, tend to segment their lives more than men do. We tend to keep our personal and business lives separate, so we only network within the confines of groups or events set aside for it, or with people we meet in strictly business settings. I know I tend to do that myself.

We need to start training ourselves to see that every time we meet someone it's an opportunity to network, or at least make a contact to network with later. When asked for recommendations or referals we also need to retrain ourselves think outside of our business associates and consider our wider circle of friends and acquaintenaces.

Jory - thanks for picking up on the piece about women and networking. I'm amazed with the response here and by others. And I'm taking up your challenge and that of others to blog called musings. I hope to write about this issue and more (See most recent post on the NY Times article about women's ascent to the US presidency). In fashion and style! Thanks all for reaffirming the message to network and do the deal. We've got to change to build the pipeline for women to ascend to positions of power and influence.

I'm with Sneadwoman on not seeing Vargas' step-away as a glass ceiling issue. I see it as a woman with some power putting her health and her family first--and I'm very surprised to see that a lot of women are missing this point as well as the point that this just might be Vargas' own decision and not compelled by The Man.

Further, Vargas even stated herself that even if ABC does not take her back, she has a professional network to draw on whereby she could find her "on ramp" (to use a term from a Harvard Bus. Study) again. And I'm sure this is *very* true--Deborah Norville is a pretty good case-study of that effect.

Where NOW, and I think women overall, should be putting their concerns about a "glass ceiling" should be at lower socio-economic levels than Vargas'. A friend of mine--a mid-level project manager like so many women--was laid off in the fourth week of her maternity leave. The company was careful to also lay off two men at the junior level so that they would have ammo if she decided to pursue a discrimination case. Jobs of the type she had are fewer than the number of men seeking them in this region, and a woman on maternity leave could be easily replaced by a man who has to support a family.

Doesn't matter that she was supporting her family because her husband's tech company had closed shortly after she gave birth.

So, the discrimination is indeed still out there, but perhaps it's not at the super-stardom level that Vargas is at. Perhaps women at Vargas' level actually have the choice to off ramp and on ramp without much hassle. Perhaps the true discrimination is happening among mid-level middle class and working class women (I'm sure there are some nightmarish wal-mart stories re women and pregnancy out there, too) and focusing on someone who has the power to choose is not going to help them.

Yet let's also appreciate the simple fact that women are different from men, and sometimes our priorites, as well as the way we do business and communicate, are different.

Networking, though, is probably one of the trickiest things to learn because women don't have the history of doing it. Over the past year (or less) I've been networking my butt off trying make connections and create a brand-new career. It's been hard because I don't know the lingo all that well, don't have background that easily segues into what I want to do, and occasionally transgress certain business mores. Both women and men have been helpful with this--and in different ways. Because of some of the women I met thru BlogHer, I ended up speaking on a panel at SXSW. My position editing the Corante Media Hub came about in part because of a link to my personal blog from a woman--that a man read. And I'm now getting some great coaching on how to conduct business (some really great advice!) from a man I met at one of the conferences I went to.

Essentially, we can get help from both women and men, and I think that men can be invaluable assets to women. Let's face it--men still dominate in business and especially in media (boy! do I know this one!) and learning how to conduct business from them can be amazingly helpful.

Tish Grier
blogging at:
The Constant Observer
Love&Hope&Sex&Dreams
Corante Media Hub