Just say NO to being the Sacrificial Mom!

Contributing Editor Jenn Satterwhite also blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee and Mommybloggers

Surfing around the Internet today I found an amazing post that made me at first just nod, then loudly agree and finally tried my best to reach through the computer and Hive 5 and hug her. But alas all I did was hurt my hand on the monitor. The point is, with all of this talk of Mommy Wars, Us vs. Them and Working vs. At Home Moms, I found a <"http://motherhooduncensored.typepad.com/motherhood_uncensored/2006/04/the_sacrificial.html">

beautifully written entry by Kristen of Motherhood Uncensored.

Kristen brings up a great point that many of the posts that have been discussing these issues are all basically coming to the same point.

What both posts were getting at (at one level or another IMO) and which a few people gathered, was the notion of the sacrificial mother. You know, the one who does, gives, and is everything to her family, and leaves nothing for herself. Sacrificial mothering is the new black, didn't you know?

I could ask for a count of how many mothers can relate to this, but really, is that necessary? I am sure at some time or another most of us have felt this. I freely admit I have been down that road more times that I would comfortably admit.

We all want to do what is best for our child. Silently we judge those whose ways are different than ours or who choose methods that we feel are not the way it should be done. Sometimes it isn't even a silent judgement, but a downright in-your-face assault on how another mother is doing her job as a mom.

And in all our judging and giving, we lose our own self. We take little, if any, time for ourselves. We don't ask for help, we don't say a word, and secretly, we are MISERABLE.

I challenge anyone to disagree with that statement. If you have ever stood in the role of Sacrificial Mom, you know how true those words are.

But, not a writer to leave us hanging, Kristen summed it all up in one of the most eloquent ways I have seen since all of this talk about Mommy Wars, Us vs. Them etc has begun to be brought up yet again. She states:

I now truly understand why women work - why they baby train, formula feed, or wean early. And I don't question their choices. In fact, I admire them in a way because I realize that being a mother is not about giving up yourself. It's not about being so run down and trampled over that your semblance of self is totally enmeshed with the people around you. It's about doing what you think is best for your kids while still being a human yourself (with good balance and the health and safety of your child in your mind, of course).

We've paid our dues, people. Let's try on something else. Acceptance? Support? Choice? I'm thinking those are way more flattering.

I wish I could just cut and paste the entire essay. It is that good. So go over and tell Kristen that you are all for her way of doing things. Acceptance. Support. Choice. Those are the only issues we need to take up with each other. (And give her a High 5 for me while you're there!)

(image courtesy of Kristen herself at Motherhood Uncensored)
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Jenn
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

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