I read a very insightful post about parenthood this week that I think every parent should read. Elisa Camahort was discussing how she recently caught up with an old male-friend she dated. (Well, the kind of male friend you mess around with between classes in college but don't do a lot of dating.) In their conversation she asked how he was doing now. That just so happened to open up a painful can of worms for him.

Back when Elisa knew him well, his dream was to become an actor. Then he got into writing and directing. He had those fallback jobs that many of us had as we wait for our big breaks. After he married and they began having children, his wife became a teacher and he stayed home with the kids.

He confessed to Elisa how he was feeling about how his life turned out. His frustations and inadequacies.

He had finally converted his most successful play into a screenplay, but it had taken him way longer than he expected...a couple of years in fact. This basically set him off into a a self-deprecating, no let's say self-loathing, account of his loser life and his do-nothing existence, and his so-not-worthy endeavors.

"his loser life"

Ponder that for a moment. His job was taking care of his children. But because he "just stayed home with them" he felt like he had failed.

Being Elisa, she came back with the perfect comeback that so many of us who stay at home need to hear from time to time:

"If your wife was a stay-at-home mom would you ever tell her she was doing nothing by staying home and raising your two children?"

Would any of us say that to our spouse if the were the ones staying home? I seriously doubt it. Yet, more than once (hundreds of times in fact) I have heard the parent that stays home answer the question "What do you do?" with "Nothing. I just stay at home with the kids."

Nothing. Nothing?!

My favorite quote that I have read as a comeback from this was the point of Elisa's entire message and I think each one of us who have ever replied "Nothing." Or "Oh I don't have a real job." Or any version of that should take it to heart.

But really the main message was simple: be as kind to yourself as you'd be to any other person on earth.

Thanks for a wonderful view on stay at home parents, Elisa. It is great read. Go check out the entire thing. It is worth it. Whether you stay at home or if you are the parent that works. We could all use a little more kindness. Mainly towards ourselves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Jenn~

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