Gratitude? Drag me kicking and howling, please.
by Mata H

When I start hearing phrases like "You need to count your blessings," as whining invectives -- well, then I know it is time to count my blessings. When I start resisting gratitude, I know something has soured up inside, and I am about to see the world through ikk-colored glasses.

I am no one's idea of Pollyanna. The very thought of matching that name with my own would have my friends double over in paroxysms of guffaws.

But I know when I should be focusing on that for which I am thankful.

I have a cold this week. I spend most hours sneezing and coughing. I have yet to find a house to buy in Massachusetts. I am still unravelling issues of identity theft. Life has just felt congested with a zillion discordant details lately.

So I find myself getting wound up in "the miserables" -- focussing on what is not happening in my life, looking at the holes in the fabric of things, comparing my self to others whose lives seen suddenly enviable.

This edging into the Shadowy Side, this pirouette towards The Blues, this unhealthy little dance near the abyss is so seductive. Poooooooor me. But it can feel so warm and cozy in the victim's softly padded armchair, can't it? Pass the Kleenex, hand me some chocolate and put on a sad song. Drama's at the door, and I want to win an Oscar.

Here is what I wrote in my personal blog lately about the result of the fact that I was not being thankful.:

...my life ended up spinning toward difficult thoughts instead of having built in a balance, a background against which the tougher things in life could be considered and handled.

That made my life an odd drawing of stick figures and buildings with no ground to stand on and no sky to look up to. No wonder it felt off-kilter.

Gratitude is the foundation. It is the bedrock. The earth. It is Ground Zero. It is the "go-to" place when no other place is.

When I feel horrible, gratitude seems foolish, trivial, punky. When I am sad, angry, confused, depressed -- gratitude seems inconsequential, unimportant, namby-pamby.

But the point is, gratitude is essential. There is no perspective without it. Try it. Right now. Despite how foolish it may or may not feel to you. Here is what I suggest:

1. Sense how you are feeling for a few seconds. Don't judge it, just feel it.

2. Write down 10 things for which you are thankful. They can be large or small. But there MUST be 10. If it is hard, there still must be 10.

3. Write down 2 more.

4. Read your list and take a breath.

5. Check in again about how you feel -- any subtle changes? Pay attention through the day. Let yourself linger over the list in your mind once or twice. Let it change the edges of things.

I am finding that gratitude is enabling positive action for me -- action that was mired down without it. Please comment about gratitude and how you build it in, or not...

My goal now is to have a gratitude moment right before I sleep and as soon as I awake.

Even before coffee :-)

Submitted by Mata H (view blog) on Wed, 03/21/2007 - 17:35

Comments

 

this always helps

I find when I sit down and list the things for which I am grateful, the list quickly grows quite long and, inevitably I feel better. I am not religious but reminding myself of all the reasons I have to be joyful is my form of spirituality.

laurie
www.notjustaboutcancer.blogspot.com

Submitted by laurie on Wed, 03/21/2007 - 20:34
 

yes, indeed

I think you are 100% right that feeling gratitude is not confined to religious gratitude. It really is a way of being in the world. Joy -- oh boy oh boy -- that really is the icing on the cake. Some days I am even delighted to have the cake, without the icing...but you are right, that is what to reach for.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs relentlessly at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Thu, 03/22/2007 - 10:08
 

Changing perspective

Mata -- Thanks for this insightful blog. You certainly nailed the feeling of ick! A feeling we all know -- the geez, I'm-never-going-to-have-a-'benz, woe is me. And I absolutely agree that changing a 'mood' requires gratitude. Counting your blessings, as the old adage instructs, seems to break up the crud barrier so the good things in life can get to you -- or perhaps more so that you notice them again.

I 'build' gratitude into my life with quiet time, usually the first thing in the morning: journaling, a walk, or just relaxing and appreciating -- then I get on with my day. Of course, I have to fit my quiet time in at 4:30am, but that's what works for me :-)

Also, I've noticed that given some time (sometimes a LOT of it), the very things that I once considered horrible in my life, have turned out to be some of my greatest blessings. Such a cliche, I know. But true.

So besides gratitude, I've now added trust in life (Spirit) to help keep me balanced. Things do seem to have a way to work out and I keep that foremost in mind, then I kind of "throw it out there" and ask for what I need. After that, I try to just forget about it. To let go and KNOW it will be okay. This also seems to "clear the air." Then I watch for the next step. It always comes.

When I remember to do this -- to trust -- peace returns and the 'icks' go away.

Thanks again for your post. I wish you more blessings than you can count!

Mary
http://www.marymbauer.com

Submitted by marymbauer on Thu, 03/22/2007 - 06:15
 

doncha love it when that hapopens?

Mary -

the very things that I once considered horrible in my life, have turned out to be some of my greatest blessings. Such a cliche, I know. But true.

Life is such a crucible. I know exactly what you mean. I think it is true that sometimes the hard things we go through (divorce, grief, physical loss, hardships) allow us to better hear and be there for others who are going through what we did. For example, I do not think I was able to be the kind of friend that I am now to friends who have gone through divorce, before I went through my own. I just had no idea. So, at the very least, these misfortunes allow us to be more useful in the world, and to have more compassion. That having been said, I wish there was an easier way, nonetheless, it is important to be able to find the blessing in order to move on with ones life.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs relentlessly at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Thu, 03/22/2007 - 10:15
 

3 thoughts of gratitude

I have been accused of being a "half-empty" sort of person and often find myself indulging in the 'miserables', usually these are rainy days when the basement fills with waterand my daughter has silly putty stuck in her hair. But then I remember what I read recently (can't remember where) about a study that showed people who ended their day forcing themselves to think of three good things that happened to them were happier, healthier people than those who did not end the day in this manner. As a family, we are trying this during dinner. We go around the table and explain what three things made us happy that day. We do allow ourselves one unhappy thing before we spin off into optimism. If nothing else, the kids look forward to this ritual and we all feel a little better about a potentially crap day!

Submitted by cce on Thu, 03/22/2007 - 06:35
 

Cracked me UP !

CCE, Thanks for the links to your blog. May I point out that one of the BIG reasons I have been rejecting certain otherwise lovely houses in my house-hunt in Massachusetts (no less) is the "seepage" factor. (I have to say that the Jeffrey Campbell boots are stunning.)

It looks as though all of us end up having to carve out a deliberate and conscious space for gratitude. It is so transformative -- I just wish it came a bit more instinctually. But arranged or not, it certainly shifts my heart's vision and puts the day in the right focus.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs relentlessly at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Thu, 03/22/2007 - 10:25
 

re: house hunting in Massachusettes

i was going to say...CCE you can sell your house to Mata with the "not many water issues" line. i wonder if that will float (no pun intended)

on a serious note, carving out deliberate conscious spaces for gratitude is truly a discipline. a discipline that i still have to schedule. (yes, it is not instinctual for me either)

i try to throw it out to the world on fridays...in connection with my Link TextTGIF...
That i am Grateful for i will list on Fridays.

i am impressed with CCE's dinner thankfest.

if we have more time to focus on what we are grateful for, then there will be less time to 'indulge in the miserables'
since there are only so many hours in a day, right?

FYI, Mata in my language means EYE.

Submitted by chescasilva on Fri, 03/23/2007 - 06:30