OK, so my dreams came true this week...we actually got to see the finalists sing entire (abridged) songs. And I think I understand why they've been keeping us from them all this time: a lot of them really aren't that great! Oh, sure, they're not wretched like an early-episode American Idol contestant, but they're only OK. we can only hope that this was a case of Week 1 nerves, because I saw a whole lot of what Simon Cowell might have called "cabaret" or "karaoke" or "lounge" or "drunk guest at a wedding joining the band" performances!

We kick off with Billy "Bland Billy" Bush (who would earn the wrath of my S.O. and me all night long by assigning inane nicknames to each contestant...so I have returned the favor here) and Denise Van Outen, wearing something that resembled a Gunne Sax nightie.

We are then subjected to mud wrestling. Well, not really. But we were "treated" to a live re-enactment of the opening credits of this show...where are the Dannys and Sandys fight with each other for camera time, starring our 12 finalists in tacky outfits that mimic the final Danny & Sandy outfits in the movie.

I'd like to note that in response to my questioning whether, in fact, this contest could be rightfully said to feature the "biggest" prize on TV, they have now changed their messaging to be that it's the most "unique" prize on TV. OK. More believable.

Olivia Newton-John is on hand, and looking quite stunning really, to be a guest judge.

And we are introduced to the evening's format. they will have two contestants go one after the other, after we see a brief clip about them. They are then spoke to by the panel, but there is in fact no comparison or judging one against the other, so it's a bit odd to go two by two as they are.

And Billy "Bland Billy" Bush will give his nicknames to each contestant in an oh-so-unctuous-and-not-at-all-charming way. Sometimes I thought of better nicknames by the time the contestant was done, though, which I will be hypocritical and share!

So, let's get to it...first with the Dannys

1. Derek (aka "Wholesome Danny") sang Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Now, my nickname for Derek might have to be "Homophobic Danny", considering his weird, smirking statement that being in musical theatre wasn't what his dad "had in mind for his son", but that he supported him anyway. Gag!! I also think they should re-think the "wholesome" label, given how many pelvic gyrations Derek threw into his performance. Derek looks like a younger John Stamos (and side note: isn't John Stamos much hotter now as a grown-up?) and gave his all, but unfortunately he gave his all into a lounge-y performance. It's hard not to do with this song, I know, so pick a different more original song. OK, but cheesy.

2. Austin (aka "Hot Danny") sang Mony Mony

Billy "Bland Billy" Bush declared that he named Austin "Hot Danny" himself, and I thanked him for sharing. Now, I expected a lot from Austin, as he is the one who has been positioned to be the guy with the most professional experience. but Oh. My. God. I couldn't decide whether he was channelling a Chippendale or some of the dancing girls in Flashdance. It's not like this song gave him a chance to show off range either...I mean Billy Idol sang it, so you know it only covers about a 5 note range. I actually really like the song. I just don't think it's a great one to show off vocal prowess. And since he used it to show us he could be a stripper of either gender, I don't think it proved his dancing prowess either. which lead me to re-nickname Austin as "Disappointing Danny."

3. Twist Alert!! Matt (aka "Second Chance Danny") sang Pretty Woman

Yes, the producers brought back two of the rejected Grease Academy-ites to have another try, and Matt the jock was the Danny they brought back. I'm not surprised they chose him. If you recall I actually thought he'd be in the final 12. But, oh, is my (and the producers') face red!! He pretty much sucked wind, poor guy. Tuneless, excruciating, really really nervous and uncomfortable. He might squeak by because he is such a great visual type for the role, but he really doesn't deserve to. Call him "Out-of-his-depth Danny."

4. Jason (aka "Boy Band Danny") sang Faith

So, they finally reveal to us that Jason, too, has professional experience, having appeared in the long-running off-Broadway hit Altar Boys. (Think of it as sort of a Nunsense for boys.) But rather than "Boy Band Danny", I think Jason deserves to be called "Vegas Danny." More lounge singing coming right at you. And towards the end it seemed that he lost his breath, and therefore his pitch, a little bit. One thing these singing competition shows do is make you appreciate original artists a little more. It's harder than it sounds to sing a song all the way through on key and with interesting, entertaining phrasing that doesn't sound lounge-y. Now, I realize the studio is helpful, but I've seen a lot of my favorite artists live, and generally speaking they pull it off live just as well as on record. And even if they're experiencing vocal issues...hoarseness, for example, their sense of pitch is usually spot-on.

5. Max (aka "Slacker Danny") sang Summer of '69

Max really has a good voice. He is right on pitch. His voice sounds easy and effortless. He's certainly make a gawkier Danny than you'd expect, but who knows, maybe Max will be "Unexpected Danny."

6. Kevin (aka "Bellhop Danny") sang Walking in Memphis

Kevin really should be named "Soulless Danny" as he smiled and grinned his way through the melancholy song choice he made. nice enough voice, sure, but no connection whatsoever to what he was singing.

7. Chas (aka "Ambitious Danny") sang Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours

This was a bit boy band, but I liked the way he let himself get more loose and wild as the song progressed. One might even call him "Spazzy Danny" At least he gave the performance some dynamics and some shape. He has a more natural approach than most of the other guys too. Bottom line: I liked him, although it took me a while to warm up to him.

Now the Sandys:

1. Allie (aka "Baby Sandy") sang I Love Rock and Roll

"Baby Sandy"? Bleh. And then she comes out in a total 'ho outfit. Ironic much? I couldn't believe the judges dug this performance. It was totally a DisneyWorld version of rock and roll. Meaning there was not an ounce of rock and roll in it. Can she sing? She can sing fine. But strutting around in a skimpy outfit while singing a gutless version of a rock song doesn't add up to a mind-blowing performance IMHO. "Disney Sandy" has to do some work to convince me, if not the judges.

2. Kate (aka "Serious Sandy") sang ,em>All By Myself

Again, not sure why the judges were all over this. She exhibited my pet peeve: smiling blankly during a heart-wrenching song. Plus holding a note a really long time isn't enough all by itself (no pun intended.) It helps for it not to be screechy. Sandy really doesn't screech in the show. Just FYI. So, to me, Kate was "Screechy" not "Serious" Sandy.

3. The next "Twist" victim: Ashley A. (aka "Emotional Sandy") sang Still the One

Another brought-back-from-elimination chance wasted, as Ashley struggled big time with pitch. She could actually be talented, but it was obscured by the erratic vocal in this performance. Call her "Not-Ready-For-Primetime Sandy."

4. Laura (aka "Small Town Sandy") sang Why Do Fools Fall in Love

OK, let's just do Laura a favor and leave aside her white ankle boots, OK? Or let's not, and call her "Stuck-in-the-80s Sandy." Besides her atrocious footwear choices and a slightly cutesy performance, I will say that Laura had a good vocal.

5. Kathleen (aka "Spiritual Sandy") sang Suddenly I See

What an odd, odd song choice. Was I the only one who found it jarring that they were all over this contestant's church-going persona, giving her a nickname to match, and then she sang a song full of "Why the hell" lyrics? I will say that Kathleen did as good a job as could probably be done with this song choice and the arrangement. But then asking her for a "spiritual tip"? Argh.

6. Julianna (aka "Rock Chick Sandy") sang The First Cut

I don't actually get the "rock chick" moniker, other than the fact that Julianna is brunette, and everyone knows we brunettes are naughty rock chicks, right? I'll be unimaginative and simply call her "Brunette Sandy." The judges were actually pretty spot on with their critique of Julianna. Nice voice, and lots of vocal control, but she seriously needed to let go. I trust she'll make it through and do better next week.

7. Ashley S. (aka "Ballerina Sandy") sang It's In His Kiss

Really bad song choice, because the vocals are very uninteresting. But it's no coincidence they decided to close with Ashley S. i'm guessing we should all be calling her "Front-runner Ashley."

In the end they asked each judge who they would cast if going on that evening's performances. They answered as follows:

David: Derek and Ashley S.
Kathleen: Austin and Allie
Jim: Chas and Kate

Frankly I was shocked at Kathleen's choices.

If I had to choose, I'd probably pick: Chas and Ashley S.

And if I had to choose who to boot? Matt and Ashley A.

Do I think they will be the ones who get booted?

Well, audiences love underdogs, and they're both very attractive people, so while I think it was obvious that they were the weakest links, I wouldn't be shocked if one or both of them evades elimination for another week.

What's your guess?