Juggling Act - Part 2: On dating a few people at the same time
by Min Jung Kim

So,

We hate to know it but guys juggleall the time.

And when we're in the drivers seat and for whatever reason have a few courters on hand, we frequently fail to take advantage of the situation.

Well mostly.

See Grey's Anatomy lately? See Meredith Grey square McDreamy against McVeterinarian and then screw things up with both?

These are the things that make you cluck your tongue in dismay.

Cluck. Cluck. Cluck.

Which is quite apt because SHE WAS CHICKEN and didn't have the mental fortitude to continue what it took to really suss things out.

Now - we've already learned that there's a few baseline disclosure rules that one needs to set when juggling a few people.

Now comes the point of comparison.

And yes: When you're given more than one option, you're allowed - nay - encouraged to compare.
And totally dish about it with your gal pals.

The short list of what *really* matters

1. Emotional Availability
2. Emotional Maturity
3. Ettiquete and Manners
4. Ethics and Spiritual/Moral allignment
5. Composure and confidence
6. How well you fit into each others' lives
7. Sex appeal
8. ShortTerm/LongTerm possibilities/enjoyment
9. Endurance - as in, you won't get bored with this person over Hors'doerves
10. Do you think that the L-word could be on the horizon with this one.

An honest assessment in those few precious moments to yourself between dates will slowly reveal the keepers from the sleepers.

And if this takes months - milk it.

Because on at least one point in every woman's life, one should absolutley feel swerve-licious and in control.

Submitted by Min Jung Kim (view blog) on Wed, 10/18/2006 - 16:10

Comments

 

For me IQ has to be in there

For me IQ has to be in there somewhere, usually at the top.

cooper

Submitted by cooper on Wed, 10/18/2006 - 18:21
 

A real dating guide for women...

Wish I'd known you 20 years ago -- I really needed you to adopt me, MJ! Nice addition Cooper.

What I love about this list? Its brainy core philosophy and lack of specificity. A human-to-human list of values, wow, who'da thunk it.

I have always listened, open-mouthed and dumbfounded, to people who could rattle off what they were looking for in a partner -- you know, from eye color to exact height to educational background. I think this is the first "List" I've ever seen that I like.

MJ, write a book: The REAL Rules...

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette

Submitted by Lisa Stone on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 05:29
 

I Could Have Used it

What a great list, although I agree with Cooper that IQ has to be there (although I would put it at #3, after emotional availability and emotional maturity (which I would put at #1). Great idea Lisa, for this to be the real rules (Hated that stupid book, give me a break.)

Kalyn Denny
Kalyn's Kitchen

Submitted by Kalyn Denny on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 06:36
 

Why wouldn't Morality be

Why wouldn't Morality be first? Isn't that how assess the character of another human being? Sure, he can really love you, but if his values are misplaced then what's that worth?

Submitted by Shan on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 08:01
 

Checklist

I think that the list needs to be ordered slightly differently for everyone, Shan. That's part of your own values and what you personally consider top priority, which is not the same for everyone.

For me, I would say that it doesn't matter in what order some of the items are in, because any number of them could be deal breakers if we weren't on the same page, whether they're #1 or #7.

Great list, MJ! I agree with Lisa, it's great to see a list that isn't too specific but provides you with a guideline of traits that need to be considered.

Submitted by smartl on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 08:26
 

IQ? It's sorta in there...

Without getting specifics on #s, 6, 8, and 9 incorporate intelligence not only in terms of being knowledgeable about something but compatible re: the knowledge that you lend to each other. I mean, you could be dating, as i have in the past, rocket scientists, and realize that you have nothing that you enjoy talking to each other about or can learn from one another. But an artist who dropped otu of highschool to launch his career in urban art... i mean, wow...might not be "iq" intelligent, but fascinating, and worthy just as well.

It, of course, depends on your priorities.

http://www.minjungkim.com
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Submitted by Min Jung Kim on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 08:57
 

morality!!11!!!one!one!!

With all due respect, smartl, I know priorities and values vary from person to person... but surely morality should be foremost among all human beings. Maybe that's an idealistic view, but I know it would hold in my case. Morality is above all else, it's in its own tier, I don't understand why anyone else would NOT feel the same.

www.shan.ca.tf

Submitted by Shan on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 17:20
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