No Noms de Blog for These Moms de Blog
by Mary Tsao

Many mommybloggers start blogging under a nom de blog, a pseudonym or alias that sometimes is intended to keep their family from finding out about their blog as well as to keep the world according to Google from finding out about their family.

Recently two mommybloggers that I read have dropped their nom de blogs and come out to the Blogosphere about their real identities. Lucinda of Suburban Turmoil has been blogging under her pseudonum, Lucinda, since August 2005. In early June of this year, she was offered a column in her town's weekly newspaper. However, the editor wanted her to use her real name. After much consideration, Lucinda agreed. She wrote on her blog:

"Tomorrow, my town and anyone else who Googles my name will be able to read this blog and find out exactly what I think about the secretly-evil crossing guard, the stoner bag boy, and the perfectly toned bitches at the local gym. You can still call me Lucinda if you like. That's the me the blog world knows, and I've grown quite fond of the name myself. But you should also know something else.

My real name is Lindsay Ferrier. And this is my blog."

In a recent column she wrote for the online feminist publication mamazine.com, Lindsay revisits her decision to reveal her true identity on her blog and in her local paper. Life as a local blogging celebrity isn't always easy.

...Since I've gone public on my blog, my husband and I both have heard from locals who just can't believe I'm writing candidly about stuff like bikini waxing, funny bedroom conversations and post partum depression.

"Isn't it embarrassing?" People ask Hubs. "Aren't you worried about what she'll come out with next?"

But regardless of the comments by the "plastic people," as Lindsay calls her seemingly perfect (at least on the surface) suburban neighbors, she is glad that she has come "out of the blogging closet." For her, knowing that she is being true to both herself and the world at large is "quite liberating."

Vicky of Procrastamom now also knows that feeling of liberation. Formerly of Desperate to Be a Housewife, she decided she no longer could blog pseudonymously. On her new out-of-the-blogging-closet blog Procrastamom, she writes:

"Over a year ago I started a blog. I tried to write. I tried to be funny. I tried to be open. But I was dishonest. I hid too much. I glossed over my family’s identity with nicknames. I allowed my friends and family to convince me that using my children’s real names, my real name, my husband’s real name or where we lived would somehow subject us to DANGER. Like all the crazies of the world were just waiting for some suburban mom like me to lower her protective shield so they could swoop in and manipulate her life. Well guess what? If you’re out to get me just look me up in the phone book. Look any of us blogging moms up in the phone book. Look us up on the internet or on the PTA phone list or check out one of the billion emergency forms we’ve filled out for our kids over the years. We’re there. You’ll find us if you want to. I’m here. I’m ready to be honest."

Not a mommyblogger, but an anonymous blogger going through an identity crisis, The Visitor writes about his/her guilt with his/her anonymous blogging persona:

"...While I wanted to keep myself anonymous, everyone else with whom I've 'interacted' have been very frank and open about themselves. 'Knowing about the writer' has helped me put the writer's ideas in perspective and appreciate the post better. In fact, the blogs of those who have been very open have appealed to me a lot.

I feel guilty (about being anonymous)..."

Is it always true that both writers and bloggers prefer non-anonymous blogging? What I find especially interesting about moms and other bloggers finding liberation through coming out and dropping their noms de blog is that as an "out" blogger myself, I sometimes wish I did have a more anonymous blogging persona. I often feel stifled by the fact that my words might have a direct impact on somebody.
---

BlogHer Contributing Editor Mary Tsao also blogs at Mom Writes.

Submitted by Mary Tsao (view blog) on Wed, 10/04/2006 - 00:12

Comments

 

Great post, Mary.

Great post, Mary.

In the academic blogosphere, most women write anonymously. Even with tenure, it's often too risky to write about students, colleagues, and one's institution.

I find I can keep other people's secrets but not my own, so I outted myself. I don't use my real name or my university's name on my personal blog, but (as you can see below), my real name is just one link away from my blog.

As my son gets older and I continue to blog about him, I do worry about his safety. When he goes off to school, who knows what I'll do?

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Research and Academia
Proprietor, The Clutter Museum

Submitted by Leslie Madsen Brooks on Tue, 10/03/2006 - 21:43
 

It's all about Google

Honestly, I don't maintain a veneer of anonymity to keep the loonies out. I mostly don't want my family to Google me. More to the point, I don't want my mother to read my blog.

I just read a statistic that some high percentage of employers web-search their prospective employees names before hiring. My theory is that the percent will only rise in the future. How does it benefit me for them to read my personal, mundane, meandering thoughts-of-the-moment?

To sum it up, I don't really care if people find out my "true identity" through my blog (as long as they're not psychotic) but I don't want my "true identity" to link to my blog.

Deirdre, Liminal Musings

Submitted by Deirdre on Wed, 10/04/2006 - 10:17
 

Anonymity

I use my real name and my husband and children's real names, but I don't use our last name. I tell people where we live, but not exactly where we live.

I'm sure people could dig up this information if they tried hard enough.

I really prefer bloggers who use their real names and cities and their childrens names. It makes the stories easier to follow. It makes them REAL to me.

I was going to use my last name when I started writing for BlogHer, but it made my husband uncomfortable, so I left it off.

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Sports and Fitness
Sarah and the Goon Squad
Draft Day Suit

Submitted by Sarah on Wed, 10/04/2006 - 10:32
 

I wrestled with that issue

I wrestled with that issue when I started my blog, but I just couldn't fathom burying myself under "someone else." So I let most of me hang out. I'm still hesitant to put my kids in my blog, but I'm working on adding them in bits and pieces.

Karen
"Life is too short to pout all the time."
A Deaf Mom Shares Her World

Submitted by Deaf Mom on Wed, 10/04/2006 - 12:15
 

Thanks for the link and

Thanks for the link and writeup Mary. I must say it's definately more freeing using our real names on my blog now. When I was using nicknames for my kids I was having trouble remembering who everybody was!

~Vicky Bach
Procrastamom

Submitted by raava on Fri, 10/06/2006 - 10:08
 

Sometimes you know those psychos

If women (or men) feel comfortable using their real names, I think that's great. However, as a former intern at a battered women's shelter, I know that a lot of those psychos out there are real and there may be a very good reason to use a fake name. Someone may not take the time to look a name up in a phone book, but could come across it in a blog. Who knows how likely that is, but why take the chance if it's a concern?

I also think the fake names say a lot about a person. How did they come up with the fake name? Is there something special about the name they chose? Does it let them be someone that they can't be in their every day lives? Interesting post!
A.Elliot

Submitted by A Elliot on Fri, 10/06/2006 - 21:02
 

Struggling

It's a tough decision. How to protect your family's privacy in a world where people know no boundaries? I'm especially warry after being stalked by a viewer from my days in television news. Nothing bad ever happened, but it took a long time to convince my employer and the authorities to take the threats seriously. I love to blog, but have to find a way to guard my family, too.

Submitted by PunditMom on Sat, 10/07/2006 - 07:38
 

I blog under my real first

I blog under my real first name..Terri.

However...along the lines of anonymity...My personal blog, Wheat Among Tares, is mainly just that..personal. I don't list it on my business site, Earthen Vessel Designs. I feel there are resons to keep certain parts of myself separate from others. I don't want someone shopping for jewelry on my site to be put off by my personality in the same way that you wouldn't go to work and spill all the beans about every controversial opinion you may or may not have.(is that a run-on sentence or what?)

Also, I don't want my blog about my precious boys to be linked to the political conversations I always seem to get involved in. Why mess up a sweet post about my family with the ugliness of American politics?

Terri

Submitted by Terri987 on Sat, 10/07/2006 - 09:35
 

I've been wrestling with

I've been wrestling with this for awhile. I write under my real name and use my family's real names but I've considered editing my entries and replacing their names with nicknames instead, as well as making sure our last names aren't there anymore. But I have over 400 entries and it's overwhelming to think of editing most of those.

I also wonder if I should stop posting pictures because although I love sharing them, I am becoming more concerned with my older daughter's privacy.

It's hard to know what to do sometimes when you want to write as a freelancer and you want to be able to identify your writing but still maintain some privacy. Sometimes I want to just register a new domain and start from scratch.

Sherry
Chaos Theory

Submitted by sherina on Sun, 10/08/2006 - 06:26
 

Pseudonyms

I use my real name, but I use "code names," so to speak, for anyone else. (I don't write much personal stuff anyway, so it's mostly a non-issue for me.)

This is just my $0.02, but if you're basically posting your diary online, replete with family or workplace anecdotes, you should definitely not reveal names or personal info unless you're absolutely sure they are okay with it. (It's never really a good idea to blog about your workplace, many have gotten fired because of it.)

Five Dollar Camera

Submitted by kperfetto on Sun, 10/08/2006 - 08:39
 

It was sort of easy

I have to admit that it was easier for me than most to go public because I worked in television news most of my adult life and am used to everyone knowing who I am. My husband's still in TV news, so we were already a "public" family. I figured we had nothing to hide.

That said, I'll never use my children's real names because teens are on the Internet all the time and I don't want their friends looking up their names and finding. Me. That might be a little embarrasssing.

There are some things I don't write about now that I'm not anonymous, but not much. I don't always write flattering things about my acquaintances (although I do change their names) so I make sure I can stand behind what I say if I'm ever confronted. So the mom, for example, who brings her unruly small child over to me and my two-year-old at every soccer game, then leaves the child with us and goes to sit with her friends, might read what I've written and get mad, but you know what? I just don't care.

Submitted by SuburbanTurmoil on Tue, 10/10/2006 - 06:37
 

interesting post

Even before I had a blog, I had usernames. When I started my blog, it didn't seem like much of a stretch to extend my ideas about online privacy to the blogosphere. Even now, I use multiple usernames for different kinds of postings--I never post as landismom on blogs or discussion boards that are related somehow to my job. My interest in maintaining my anonymity isn't just tied to my children, it's about the fact that I don't want people googling me (and I sure don't want my mom reading my blog). Since I have a school-aged kid, I am also concerned about maintaining her privacy, not so much for this year, but a few years from now. I once wrote about my daughter spitting at her kindergarten teacher--I doubt I would leave that on the internet for her prom date to read about, if it was tied to her real name.

Submitted by landismom on Fri, 10/13/2006 - 18:53
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