On the weekend I read an interesting essay from Kim McLarin in the New York Times about her relationships with white men. An African-American woman, she tells the man she is currently dating that“Because you’re white, and it costs too much for me to date a white man. It cost me to be married to a white man for 13 years. I can’t do it again."

Preceding this comment in the essay, she writes about the fustration of being with someone who does not "grapple with race," someone who does not have the understanding and empathy, partly because they have never experienced the complexities of racism on a personal level. While there were other factors in her divorce, she recounts the tension within her marriage of not being able to discuss issues that were affecting her to her then-husband.

While reading the article saddened me - and also because I tend to avoid blogs that delve into this subject - I had to agree with her sentiments. Through many of my own relationships with white men, every nightmarish stereotype has emerged. One guy I dated later admitted that he simply wanted to sleep with a black woman (and I won't even repeat what he thought about Asian women), another thought by using racial ethipets towards me was somehow okay. And while I was young and naive, having watched the presumeably 'easy' way that my non-black counterparts glided in and out of relationships, I didn't factor that I had to work on how I felt about myself (after all, why was I picking up these morons?) and that, despite wanting to be percived as an individual that it wasn't exactly the case.

Am I against interracial relationships? Well its none of my business to judge who people date and marry. But I do agree that depending on who you are and whether you choose to assert your racial identity or not (which is a whole 'nother story), it can be a precarious situation.

In preparation for this post, I found some interesting links. Evia from Black Female Interracial Marriage has a blog devoted to this subject, and Clare from Racial Realist both have interesting and differing takes on the subject.