I have to say years ago when a colleague kept pushing me to network more I was so resistant. Even though I didn't like the jobs or career I was in I didn't see the connection. I always had a gut feel that equated networking with undesirable things (for me) like politics and sales in the used car salesman vein. It reminded me of all those years growing up where I was never popular, struggled fitting in, and seemed to experience rejection from my school peers on an almost daily basis. Certainly not an inspiring picture.

It didn't exactly have me clamoring to print a business card and head out the door.

What I've since learned now that I am a business owner is that networking isn't any of that. Well, in some circles it still is...a flurry of desperate people trying to hand out as many business cards as possible. However, effective long term networking that matters isn't that at all. It is about being open and creating relationships.

This morning I had the pleasure of listening to productivity expert Neen James speak on the topic of sales. She's a lively Aussie who is known for her energetic presentation style. She started the presentation by throwing the old model of selling into the rubbish. "It is not about closing the sale. It is about opening a relationship." As I've come to learn business success is all about relationships. Sure you need to deliver the goods (product or service), but you need good relationships if you are going to be successful over the long haul.

If you're like me and initially feel awkward at events, rest assured it is all about being yourself and being genuinely interested in others. Here are two of Neen's many tips on How to Meet & Greet and Functions:

Ask people what they like to do in their spare time.
This is a great question and most people become energized when you ask them about their life outside of work. Watch their eyes sparkle as they tell you about the activities they most enjoy. Take the time to discover that people are far more interesting than their work.

Listen intently.
Give the person you are speaking with your full attention. Use active listening techniques such as nodding, smiling and leaning towards them while they speak. Ask questions about the topics you are discussing. People will appreciate your attention. It is very rude to look beyond the person you are speaking with or to look around the room for someone more interesting. Effective networking can help you to maximize your productivity.

Whether it is sales, finding that next career move within a company, or selling a product -- people like to buy and be with people they know, like, and trust.
Robin Jay shares in "Why Building Relationships Beats Sales":

And even though a particular store may have better pricing or be more convenient, we, as consumers, will go out of our way to patronize another business because we LIKE THE WAY THE PEOPLE MAKE US FEEL somewhere else. People prefer to do business with people they like!

I am a business relationship expert who personally hosted more than 3,000 client lunches and, as a result of that, I saw my sales increase by more than 2,000%! It’s remarkable just how much people want to work with you when you take the time to build a solid relationship.

I can personally attest to the fact that the moment I made the internal shift from networking and sales as bad words to simply getting out there, being myself, acting genuinely curious about others, and learning how to connect with like minded people my business and career started to take off. Learning how to ask for help and being willing to serve others is at the key of true relationship building. I am grateful to both give and receive.

In today's world you don't have to limit your networking to in-person events. The Internet offers a plethora of possibilities from blogs to social networking sites. Just because you're online though doesn't mean there aren't rules. And at the end of the day it is not about the number of comments you posted on blogs or the number of pokes or good karma you sent someone on Facebook. It is again about building a real conversation and relationship. As Elana Cantor said in "What do you really mean when you say you are networking":

Networking, when done correctly can be a beautiful thing. But,( this is a BIG BUT)when the rules are not followed, eyebrows are raised, emails deleted and blog posts are written.

That's why the simplest rules are best. Be yourself and treat others as you'd like to be treated. There is great simplicity and wisdom in that. You wouldn't want someone spewing blather at you going on and on about some boring thing trying to hard sell you something, right? Well, then you know you can trust your own instinct and let it be your guide as you build relationships with others.

Consider these 5 steps for building productive business relationships from Neen James. These are the exact items she shared with us this morning.

1. Reach Out
2. Network
3. Serve
4. Follow Up
5. Persist

Common sense? Yes. But certainly not common practice. Make them an integral part of your overall connection strategy and I guarantee you'll increase your business, find that job you've been coveting, increase your income, and simply ENJOY the process of building your professional life a heck of a lot more.

Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, works with women who are ready to create their lives and businesses the way the want rather than how they were told they "should". Get the free 12 part eCourse "How to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin" http://www.coaching4lesbians.com and start taking charge of your own success.

To get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic check out Queercents http://www.queercents.com.

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