Did you know that the 28th of November will be the first National Day of Listening in this country?
Amazing what you hear when you are a fan of public radio.... It is one of the pleasures in life for me, as I can listen whilst I do more mundane tasks like cleaning, laundry, driving and picking up the house.
For months now I have been listening to early morning snippets from a non-profit organization called "Story Corps". They have made tens of thousands of oral recordings of Americans of all shapes and sizes, ages and creeds. A conversation is like a person's handwriting. It is as if we have a personal window into the essence of the people when we hear their conversations with each other. This year after Thanksgiving, they are encouraging Americans to interview a loved one, neighbor, relative, regular at a soup kitchen, or anyone they care about.
Sit down, ask someone about their life and record it for posterity. It is amazing what you may hear when you take the time to listen.
Media dips into its bag of tricks every day to grab our attention. The hysterical furor and tone of newscasts, interviews and constant" breaking news" permeates our daily lives. Every single event, no matter how trivial or important is given a dramatic, serious weight in the multi-media information IV we attach ourselves to every day. We no longer hear conversations between people. We are used to being spoken at, not spoken to or listening to. We can pick to only hear the people and views we agree with and support. We ignore the ordinary or familiar, the stories of the elderly, preferring high drama.
Story Corps is attempting to change this a little. It is a simple method whereby two people have a conversation, usually about something small but significant to them, which is recorded and filed in the American Folk Life Center at the Library of Congress for future generations. It is an audio preservation of now.
From Story Corps, I have heard the voices of the elderly, the gentle humor and patient love they have for each other clear and strong in their wavering voices. Memories of times long gone; seemingly archaic in our rapidly changing world where technology completely reinvents itself every ten years.
The audio nature of the interaction lets us hear those inaudible things we all know so well. An undemonstrative middle-aged man speaking to his old grandmother about his childhood. She raised him in hard times, and she remembers these years fondly but pragmatically. He remembers the love and opportunity for a young boy to grow into something big, but he cannot say it in fancy words. He thanks her in an awkward, sincere manner. She responds with restrained gratitude for the acknowledgment. Their love for each other is loud and clear in the air between their sparse words. A real relationship we can all understand.
A gay brother talks to his younger sibling about standing up for himself when attacked as a young man. He is pained by the memory, but seems genuinely surprised when his brother tells him calmly he always admired his convictions. Two very different men appreciating each other, without fanfare. A special moment preserved for all to experience. A graceful glimpse of humanity.
Two sisters chuckling uncontrollably at the memory of dance parties during the Great Depression. Two war veterans, a dad and a son; one with ghosts from Vietnam, the other with demons from Iraq. These are the people we walk past in the grocery store every day.
Take a break from your on-line news feed and consider the mundane. It will certainly lift your spirits.
www.storycorps.net
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Howard Herships and Steve Kirsch.
What a cringe-inducing story I read in the newspaper this week. I literally felt ashamed for the two people involved. Two silver-haired gentlemen in my area, a Mssrs Kirsch and Herships are fighting a prolonged, expensive three year battle in the courts over a $650 scratch on Mr Kirsch's Toyota RAV 4.
The one guy is super wealthy, and the other a poor veteran, but also a legal know-it-all. Fifty three court appearances so far. They say it is a matter of principle. No, it's not. It's about each one's individual principle. It's about being right and the other guy being wrong. They are both smugly photographed, looking awfully happy about the publicity. How utterly embarrassing. What a legacy these guys are creating. Expensive wasted public resources, court time and public services aside, these pillars of society are behaving like spiteful children.
Imagine if instead of behaving like some, they actually helped some instead. I'd love to waltz their petty mature faces down to my local elementary school where they could use some of their collective superior skills and copious wealth to provide breakfast for the kids who come to school hungry, a tangible problem visible on the faces of our bobble-headed little children. I see these kids every day, and their numbers are growing. Shameful, I say.
When I was a kid, I distinctly recall the notion of life not always being fair. Remember being punished with your siblings for a wrongdoing when you truly had nothing to do with it? Parents casually grouped kids together and everyone was liable and punished for pranks and transgressions en masse. And they were not interested in your protestations. Dang, the unfairness of it all stung like hell. But, we survived and moved on and never really held any grudges. It was all just part of life. One never knew -- perhaps the innocent party would be someone else next time..... Raucous classrooms were punished together, no explanations allowed. It didn't matter who was right or wrong.
We learned that life was sometimes fair, and sometimes not. That sometimes being right prevailed, and sometimes it just did not. We learned that being right and losing did not mean the end of the world. We learned that life did, in fact, go on or more importantly, move on.
I once drafted a report for a superior at work, who never bothered to read it, changed the name on the bottom to her own, and submitted it to a parliamentary committee for consideration in the National Assembly. Right, no. But yet, knowing that unfair things could happen to me, I never reacted immediately in anger and indignation. Instead, it gave me that breather to think. And then act smartly instead of in retaliation. Think of the times you have given yourself this gift. This is the kind of thing we need to teach our children.
Mr Kirsch has a terminal disease. Any elementary school kid can tell you how hollow his wished-for victory will feel to him on his deathbed when time has run out and he spent so much of his life energy on proving someone else wrong, purely for the sake of it. What a disappointment to himself and his family.
The one guy is super wealthy, and the other a poor veteran, but also a legal know-it-all. Fifty three court appearances so far. They say it is a matter of principle. No, it's not. It's about each one's individual principle. It's about being right and the other guy being wrong. They are both smugly photographed, looking awfully happy about the publicity. How utterly embarrassing. What a legacy these guys are creating. Expensive wasted public resources, court time and public services aside, these pillars of society are behaving like spiteful children.
Imagine if instead of behaving like some, they actually helped some instead. I'd love to waltz their petty mature faces down to my local elementary school where they could use some of their collective superior skills and copious wealth to provide breakfast for the kids who come to school hungry, a tangible problem visible on the faces of our bobble-headed little children. I see these kids every day, and their numbers are growing. Shameful, I say.
When I was a kid, I distinctly recall the notion of life not always being fair. Remember being punished with your siblings for a wrongdoing when you truly had nothing to do with it? Parents casually grouped kids together and everyone was liable and punished for pranks and transgressions en masse. And they were not interested in your protestations. Dang, the unfairness of it all stung like hell. But, we survived and moved on and never really held any grudges. It was all just part of life. One never knew -- perhaps the innocent party would be someone else next time..... Raucous classrooms were punished together, no explanations allowed. It didn't matter who was right or wrong.
We learned that life was sometimes fair, and sometimes not. That sometimes being right prevailed, and sometimes it just did not. We learned that being right and losing did not mean the end of the world. We learned that life did, in fact, go on or more importantly, move on.
I once drafted a report for a superior at work, who never bothered to read it, changed the name on the bottom to her own, and submitted it to a parliamentary committee for consideration in the National Assembly. Right, no. But yet, knowing that unfair things could happen to me, I never reacted immediately in anger and indignation. Instead, it gave me that breather to think. And then act smartly instead of in retaliation. Think of the times you have given yourself this gift. This is the kind of thing we need to teach our children.
Mr Kirsch has a terminal disease. Any elementary school kid can tell you how hollow his wished-for victory will feel to him on his deathbed when time has run out and he spent so much of his life energy on proving someone else wrong, purely for the sake of it. What a disappointment to himself and his family.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Comfort.
We are up in the mountains this weekend, and autumn is beautiful. The morning air is crispy, but not yet cold enough to turn bare feet achingly numb. A hot mug of coffee is all the comfort one needs to stay toasty in a fluffy robe.
It rained yesterday, gently, all day. The unusual sounds of rain on the roof and clunking down the metal gutters kept poor Larry the cat unsettled and alarmed for most of the day. No wonder -- I read in the paper that the last rainfall to actually wet the roads was on March 15 this year. Our last proper soaking was in February.
Of course, we live in a desert, but we forget this having surrounded ourselves with urban life, gardens and abundant sprinklers. We have judiciously wrapped our lives in comfort.
Comfort. An American way of life, and considered a necessity. When we first moved here, it astonished me to discover the myriad ways in which this society pampers itself. It was in many instances a delightful surprise. Consider the bedding. Wow. Our first visit into a cavernous store to purchase bedding was a revelation. Never before had I seen such a luxurious array of pillows, sheets, comforters, mattress pads and down-filled puffy things.
Things we take for granted in this country do not exist in others. I discovered the notion of seasonal linen. Flannel for winter, brushed soft cotton and thick, sinking down comforters. Crisp, cool cotton or linen for summer, light and airy. Angel fleece and cashmere throws to wrap yourself up in like a cocoon when necessary or to tuck chilled feet in when mildly cool. Socks of the most delicate cashmere and fluffiest of fleece. Pouches of luxury to pull on at will. I stocked up -- my days of scratchy, scant socks were over, and as anyone with poor circulation will attest, there is no greater mood pepper than warm feet. Every year I send my frail grandma a brand new pair of ultra luxurious memory-foam, non-slip pockets-of-heaven slippers that only cost a few bucks. Serious bang for my buck.
The central heating took some getting used to. Suburban homes in South Africa are heated with mobile oil heaters that are dragged from room to room. They are expensive to buy and even more costly to run. And that of course is only the tiny fraction of people who can afford to pay for heating. Most people just bundle up wherever possible.
People eat soup and drink tea at home or at work, the Starbucks concept being practically non-existent. The thermostat controlled forced air in our home wakes me up every time. The sudden blast of warm air clicking on and off just cannot find a spot of every day comfort in my psyche. We have found a way around it, and now merely turn it off at night, firing up the furnace in the early morning so that the kids can dress for school in warm air and comfort.
Every South African adult can relay in excruciating detail those icy winter mornings of pulling on cold, inadequate school uniforms in bedrooms where the only source of heat has been abandoned beneath the blankets of one's childhood bed. No-one forgets that cold - briskly dismissed by parents trying to get you out of the door on time for shrill school bells. My kids will probably never know this cold, and I know many of you are smiling in memory of those dreaded awakenings.
Our cars over here are pods of luxury. They are enormous tanks of hot or cold air, music, leather seats - frequently with built-in warming pads, telephone access, navigation assistance, plenty of cupholders for drive-thru food and drinks, and even TV/DVD screens to keep the kids happy. Mobile comfort with added security and airbags. We move from heated/cooled homes to heated/cooled cars to heated/cooled stores and offices. Preferably in sweats it seems.
Try wearing flattering, stylishly cut clothes after a few weeks of fluffy elasticated sweats and ultra cushioned sneakers. High healed leather shoes feel like walking around in ice-skates, and every single thing feels scratchy and restrictive. Unlike South African women, many American women choose to feel comfort over feeling pretty. The South African gals would rather not feel ugly than feel super comfy. Cultural difference.
Some of my favorite American comforts are reliable free shipping, organic fruit on sale, inexpensive fresh fish and seafood, international foods at the local grocery store, affordable books (my absolute favorite), the unbeatable customer service at Amazon.com, cheap pedicures -- hand painted toe-flowers optional, cheap gas (trust me, this still remains true), gallon jugs of affordable milk, public parks, a designer lipstick for a few dollars, affordable cashmere, wireless in Mountain View, the Fire Department and firemen who hand out pencils and stickers to kids wherever they go, block parties, festive Christmas gatherings, Halloween trick-or-treaters and kind old people who dish out the candy enthusiastically to little goblins and witches. American appreciation for home-made things, well-supported parades and community events. And of course the bedding.
Media is awash with opinion, commentary and analysis of the economic crisis and politics these days. Fascinating. I have learned more of American history, trends and patterns in these few weeks than ever before. Seems like everyone is speaking up, and of course everyone has an opinion. The media seems to be trying its damndest to get all and sundry to panic as much as possible, and politicians are being exposed as self serving, narcissists all round. No surprises there. Yet ordinary people carry on as before, with more worries and less money. The kind remain kind, the selfish remain selfish. Levels of happiness in the street seem about the same to me.
Today I read a report on the absolute latest research on the study of happiness and surprise! they have discovered to their disbelief that the average American's happiness depends almost completely on human affection and is almost completely independent of how much money anyone has. Anyone can tell you that money does not buy happiness, but it is gratifying to be able to relay to another how the kindness and affection of someone has impacted your life. I was laid up in bed recently recovering from a surgery and the outpouring of giving, care and selflessness of my family and lovely friends was bold, lavish and immensely nurturing. My love for them all has deepened, and what can be more comforting than that?
Human affection knows no culture or economic status. We are looking forward to our family visiting from both sides this Christmas, and presents and outings are furtherest from our minds. Conversations, simple walks, card games, horsing around and family meals around the table are what we wish for. Both us, and our eagerly awaited guests. No-one remembers the gadgets or wrapping paper. Everyone remembers the jokes, stories and melding or clashing of opinions, the true down-to-earth comfort of family, the ones you could not choose to be in your life, but are there anyway and remind us of our humanity.
It rained yesterday, gently, all day. The unusual sounds of rain on the roof and clunking down the metal gutters kept poor Larry the cat unsettled and alarmed for most of the day. No wonder -- I read in the paper that the last rainfall to actually wet the roads was on March 15 this year. Our last proper soaking was in February.
Of course, we live in a desert, but we forget this having surrounded ourselves with urban life, gardens and abundant sprinklers. We have judiciously wrapped our lives in comfort.
Comfort. An American way of life, and considered a necessity. When we first moved here, it astonished me to discover the myriad ways in which this society pampers itself. It was in many instances a delightful surprise. Consider the bedding. Wow. Our first visit into a cavernous store to purchase bedding was a revelation. Never before had I seen such a luxurious array of pillows, sheets, comforters, mattress pads and down-filled puffy things.
Things we take for granted in this country do not exist in others. I discovered the notion of seasonal linen. Flannel for winter, brushed soft cotton and thick, sinking down comforters. Crisp, cool cotton or linen for summer, light and airy. Angel fleece and cashmere throws to wrap yourself up in like a cocoon when necessary or to tuck chilled feet in when mildly cool. Socks of the most delicate cashmere and fluffiest of fleece. Pouches of luxury to pull on at will. I stocked up -- my days of scratchy, scant socks were over, and as anyone with poor circulation will attest, there is no greater mood pepper than warm feet. Every year I send my frail grandma a brand new pair of ultra luxurious memory-foam, non-slip pockets-of-heaven slippers that only cost a few bucks. Serious bang for my buck.
The central heating took some getting used to. Suburban homes in South Africa are heated with mobile oil heaters that are dragged from room to room. They are expensive to buy and even more costly to run. And that of course is only the tiny fraction of people who can afford to pay for heating. Most people just bundle up wherever possible.
People eat soup and drink tea at home or at work, the Starbucks concept being practically non-existent. The thermostat controlled forced air in our home wakes me up every time. The sudden blast of warm air clicking on and off just cannot find a spot of every day comfort in my psyche. We have found a way around it, and now merely turn it off at night, firing up the furnace in the early morning so that the kids can dress for school in warm air and comfort.
Every South African adult can relay in excruciating detail those icy winter mornings of pulling on cold, inadequate school uniforms in bedrooms where the only source of heat has been abandoned beneath the blankets of one's childhood bed. No-one forgets that cold - briskly dismissed by parents trying to get you out of the door on time for shrill school bells. My kids will probably never know this cold, and I know many of you are smiling in memory of those dreaded awakenings.
Our cars over here are pods of luxury. They are enormous tanks of hot or cold air, music, leather seats - frequently with built-in warming pads, telephone access, navigation assistance, plenty of cupholders for drive-thru food and drinks, and even TV/DVD screens to keep the kids happy. Mobile comfort with added security and airbags. We move from heated/cooled homes to heated/cooled cars to heated/cooled stores and offices. Preferably in sweats it seems.
Try wearing flattering, stylishly cut clothes after a few weeks of fluffy elasticated sweats and ultra cushioned sneakers. High healed leather shoes feel like walking around in ice-skates, and every single thing feels scratchy and restrictive. Unlike South African women, many American women choose to feel comfort over feeling pretty. The South African gals would rather not feel ugly than feel super comfy. Cultural difference.
Some of my favorite American comforts are reliable free shipping, organic fruit on sale, inexpensive fresh fish and seafood, international foods at the local grocery store, affordable books (my absolute favorite), the unbeatable customer service at Amazon.com, cheap pedicures -- hand painted toe-flowers optional, cheap gas (trust me, this still remains true), gallon jugs of affordable milk, public parks, a designer lipstick for a few dollars, affordable cashmere, wireless in Mountain View, the Fire Department and firemen who hand out pencils and stickers to kids wherever they go, block parties, festive Christmas gatherings, Halloween trick-or-treaters and kind old people who dish out the candy enthusiastically to little goblins and witches. American appreciation for home-made things, well-supported parades and community events. And of course the bedding.
Media is awash with opinion, commentary and analysis of the economic crisis and politics these days. Fascinating. I have learned more of American history, trends and patterns in these few weeks than ever before. Seems like everyone is speaking up, and of course everyone has an opinion. The media seems to be trying its damndest to get all and sundry to panic as much as possible, and politicians are being exposed as self serving, narcissists all round. No surprises there. Yet ordinary people carry on as before, with more worries and less money. The kind remain kind, the selfish remain selfish. Levels of happiness in the street seem about the same to me.
Today I read a report on the absolute latest research on the study of happiness and surprise! they have discovered to their disbelief that the average American's happiness depends almost completely on human affection and is almost completely independent of how much money anyone has. Anyone can tell you that money does not buy happiness, but it is gratifying to be able to relay to another how the kindness and affection of someone has impacted your life. I was laid up in bed recently recovering from a surgery and the outpouring of giving, care and selflessness of my family and lovely friends was bold, lavish and immensely nurturing. My love for them all has deepened, and what can be more comforting than that?
Human affection knows no culture or economic status. We are looking forward to our family visiting from both sides this Christmas, and presents and outings are furtherest from our minds. Conversations, simple walks, card games, horsing around and family meals around the table are what we wish for. Both us, and our eagerly awaited guests. No-one remembers the gadgets or wrapping paper. Everyone remembers the jokes, stories and melding or clashing of opinions, the true down-to-earth comfort of family, the ones you could not choose to be in your life, but are there anyway and remind us of our humanity.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
The Wishful Art of Happiness.
A few weeks ago, I had the intriguing opportunity to casually quiz a fabulously wealthy woman about her life. We were at a small gathering, making chit-chat, and watching our children cavort in a custom designed swimming pool. We are about the same age, height, build, and have young children. But these people have "more money than Oprah", quipped a spunky girlfriend with a snort. Hmmmm..... I dove right in, albeit casually. What do you do with yourself? Do you work? Lounge about, sipping margaritas, with a bevy of staff at your beck and call? Or not? She seemed quite charming and outgoing in a foreign European sort of way, and we talked easily. Honestly, I liked her. Her life, not so much.
Turns out she has a lot of help. Nannies, cooks, cleaners, personal trainers, etc etc. She doesn't work because she doesn't need to, but instead spends a lot of her time creating works of art. She tells me she hired a bunch of prominent artists to teach her all they knew. They showed up at her art studio, custom-built at home, and taught her their stuff. O-kay. I never even considered the fact that this could be possible. Now, she is designing and creating works to be displayed in their new home, currently being designed and planned in a gorgeous spot in Silicon Valley. I glance over at our pot-bellied kids looking like porpoises with goggles on. They shriek and play Marco Polo -- just like they do in any other pool. I know those little faces and personalities like I know my own, and love them more than anything I can think of. Her daughter calls to her, showing off a dive. She bubbles over with gushing praise, the kind given by absent parents, lacking ease and familiarity. My intuition tingles.
I ask some more. No, she never cooks. Hardly ever drives. Pays for the very best schools, but doesn't ever pack a lunchbox, wrestle with a juice box, pick up broken crayons, feel overwhelmed by your children but take a deep breath and remind yourself you are the adult and they are to go to bed RIGHT NOW so that mommy can have a glass of wine. Nope. No washing sticky hands, dipping cheese sandwiches in glasses of milk, or slurping pasta at the kitchen table.
What would you do if you could afford to outsource your life?
Then I think about the things I have learned from other people. The only time I have paid for knowledge was for formal education, and then I probably learned the least in those circumstances. The useful stuff I learned from people who cared. How to cook, how to change a flat tyre, how to pick a pair of flattering jeans, how to type, how to read a budget, how to get parsley to grow. I learned from love. I messed up, they laughed at my frustrations, or guided me gently along the right path. Their knowledge and lessons, a gift.
We come home and I curl up on my big old couch and nurse a cup of tea, with my feet comfortably tucked into my husband's lap. The kids are playing with mermaids in the bathtub, and the television is dark. We chat about the day. He reminds me of his belief in true happiness being found in the small details of every day. Years ago, he tried to convince me of this, but I just didn't get it. He told me ten years ago that his happiness depended more on the tiny details of every day, like what he would have for lunch, or with whom, rather than having a million dollars in the bank.
I understand that now. But I am now in a position to understand it. Now, I can see that sipping tea on a couch with someone I love and trust makes me so much happier than would sitting in a mansion, opposite a man who doesn't speak to me nicely in public.
It makes me happier knowing the names of the mermaids in the watery mermaid house, than it would having a nanny fish my girls out of the tub when they become prunes.
One day I will savor the memory of a hot morning breath peering into my face at 7am to see if I am awake and ready to hear a new composition on her tinny xylophone.
The thing is, it is easier to focus on the small things that bring lasting happiness when the really big things are already taken care of. Sure, a cup of coffee with a cherished friend who really cares about the minute details of your life makes you feel fabulous and loved and relevant. But this will only happen if you aren't fretting about the big stuff. And that would be - objectively having enough. Enough money to pay your rent or mortgage, enough food for the month, enough people in your life. It is the fine tuning of these basic things that bring us happiness. Friends that feed your energy, not take from it all the time. A job that is rewarding, not just financially viable. But many ordinary people have to struggle for these basic, big things. I guess it would easy to suggest to them to focus on the little pleasures they already have, and I'm sure many of them do try to. But understand how hard this may be when the big things are looming over your head.
So sure, the little things matter, but boy it helps if the big things are already in place. Personally, I love cliches. They are repeated for good reason. Yes, health is the most important thing in life, every cloud has a silver lining, and just putting lipstick on a pig, does not make it anything other than a pig.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but really, enough to cover the basics gives us the breathing space to make the small choices that make life a feast.
Turns out she has a lot of help. Nannies, cooks, cleaners, personal trainers, etc etc. She doesn't work because she doesn't need to, but instead spends a lot of her time creating works of art. She tells me she hired a bunch of prominent artists to teach her all they knew. They showed up at her art studio, custom-built at home, and taught her their stuff. O-kay. I never even considered the fact that this could be possible. Now, she is designing and creating works to be displayed in their new home, currently being designed and planned in a gorgeous spot in Silicon Valley. I glance over at our pot-bellied kids looking like porpoises with goggles on. They shriek and play Marco Polo -- just like they do in any other pool. I know those little faces and personalities like I know my own, and love them more than anything I can think of. Her daughter calls to her, showing off a dive. She bubbles over with gushing praise, the kind given by absent parents, lacking ease and familiarity. My intuition tingles.
I ask some more. No, she never cooks. Hardly ever drives. Pays for the very best schools, but doesn't ever pack a lunchbox, wrestle with a juice box, pick up broken crayons, feel overwhelmed by your children but take a deep breath and remind yourself you are the adult and they are to go to bed RIGHT NOW so that mommy can have a glass of wine. Nope. No washing sticky hands, dipping cheese sandwiches in glasses of milk, or slurping pasta at the kitchen table.
What would you do if you could afford to outsource your life?
Then I think about the things I have learned from other people. The only time I have paid for knowledge was for formal education, and then I probably learned the least in those circumstances. The useful stuff I learned from people who cared. How to cook, how to change a flat tyre, how to pick a pair of flattering jeans, how to type, how to read a budget, how to get parsley to grow. I learned from love. I messed up, they laughed at my frustrations, or guided me gently along the right path. Their knowledge and lessons, a gift.
We come home and I curl up on my big old couch and nurse a cup of tea, with my feet comfortably tucked into my husband's lap. The kids are playing with mermaids in the bathtub, and the television is dark. We chat about the day. He reminds me of his belief in true happiness being found in the small details of every day. Years ago, he tried to convince me of this, but I just didn't get it. He told me ten years ago that his happiness depended more on the tiny details of every day, like what he would have for lunch, or with whom, rather than having a million dollars in the bank.
I understand that now. But I am now in a position to understand it. Now, I can see that sipping tea on a couch with someone I love and trust makes me so much happier than would sitting in a mansion, opposite a man who doesn't speak to me nicely in public.
It makes me happier knowing the names of the mermaids in the watery mermaid house, than it would having a nanny fish my girls out of the tub when they become prunes.
One day I will savor the memory of a hot morning breath peering into my face at 7am to see if I am awake and ready to hear a new composition on her tinny xylophone.
The thing is, it is easier to focus on the small things that bring lasting happiness when the really big things are already taken care of. Sure, a cup of coffee with a cherished friend who really cares about the minute details of your life makes you feel fabulous and loved and relevant. But this will only happen if you aren't fretting about the big stuff. And that would be - objectively having enough. Enough money to pay your rent or mortgage, enough food for the month, enough people in your life. It is the fine tuning of these basic things that bring us happiness. Friends that feed your energy, not take from it all the time. A job that is rewarding, not just financially viable. But many ordinary people have to struggle for these basic, big things. I guess it would easy to suggest to them to focus on the little pleasures they already have, and I'm sure many of them do try to. But understand how hard this may be when the big things are looming over your head.
So sure, the little things matter, but boy it helps if the big things are already in place. Personally, I love cliches. They are repeated for good reason. Yes, health is the most important thing in life, every cloud has a silver lining, and just putting lipstick on a pig, does not make it anything other than a pig.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but really, enough to cover the basics gives us the breathing space to make the small choices that make life a feast.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Laduma!
Summer has worn herself out. The party is over, and the kids are back at school.
But what a grand summer we have had this year. My girls overdosed on the luxuries of not having to get up to a hectic schedule every day and had enough time for dreaming, sleeping, reading and playing their music. They also spent their summer perfecting their dolphin kicks and cannon-balls. The weather has been glorious with a typical wind-free balmy and dry season. We ended up going to movies only once and watched almost no Netflix movies and television. We went to Monterey, the Children's Discovery museum, and listened to the San Francisco Symphony play for free in the park. Sarah composed her first violin piece, and Jenna patiently practiced her new Classical guitar moves. Naturally we all still sighed, and some stomped off in a huff when we tried to play ensemble pieces. Hmmmmm -- we have a ways to go, as the Americans say!
I am not a huge sports fan, but the Olympics were intriguing. Mostly, I read about it in the paper. Last Sunday morning when Master Phelps was on the front page, I said to Henk it is surprising to me that such a national sports hero doesn't have a fabulous nickname. If he had been South African, he would not have got off so lightly. Oh, no.
He would have been rechristened something suitable. No formal Namby Pamby Michael Phelps would be heard or written about. So I thought, let's check out Wikipedia for possible nicknames. Blank. Then I googled the question. Well, I found one page that asked for suggestions, but had no responses. Some radio show ran a competition online and got one entry which was declared the winner -- the Phelpinator. Seriously lame, people.
Apparently the Chinese call him "The flying Fish" in Chinese, which is terribly cute and witty if you are, or understand Chinese. Kudos to you guys.
If he had won so many gold medals for South Africa, he would never forget it. His nickname would be chanted at meets, it would be yelled in greeting every time he passed a stranger.
As a multicultural nation, we are fond of nicknames, and of course the African languages, of which we have nine, lend themselves beautifully to fun and quirky names.
South Africa is gearing up to host the finals of the Soccer World Cup in 2010. The soccer world will experience Cup Final Soccer ala African style for the first time ever, they say. It will be the first time in its history that an African nation hosts this big sporting event. If you are there, or watch the game, here are a few pointers.
Our team is called "Bafana Bafana". Go ahead and say it. Fun to say, isn't it?! It means "The Boys The Boys". And my personal favorite: "Laduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuma!"Literally means goal. But with much more panache, I think.
You will hear the loud elephant trumpeting of the fans. These are plastic horns that bellow like Buffalo and are easy and fun to use, making every grown-up feel like a kid again. Go ahead and buy your own Vuvuzela for the game. Fellow fans will eventually give in and ask to have a go on your "Voove" as they're known locally. Be a sport and lend your voove to the guy. Originally, they were Kudu horns, used to summon African villages to meetings, but before long they were so popular at Soccer games, that one enterprising company mass produced them in cheap plastic and a cultural phenomenon was born.
You will hear names like Sibusiso Zuma aka "Zuma the Puma";Phil Masinga aka "Chippa"; and my personal favorite, Mr John "Shoes" Moshoeu. When he gets the ball and zips along the field the crowd roars "Shoe-oes"; Shoe-oes!". Men and women finally united in a love for shoes. Nirvana. So I am holding out for the day that we get to host the Olympics, and give some African nicknames to the American stars. Think Brangelina is unique? Just wait.
Oh, and I forgot to mention the under 23 national soccer team, the "Amaglug- glug". Sponsored by a large petroleum company, of course. Get it?
But what a grand summer we have had this year. My girls overdosed on the luxuries of not having to get up to a hectic schedule every day and had enough time for dreaming, sleeping, reading and playing their music. They also spent their summer perfecting their dolphin kicks and cannon-balls. The weather has been glorious with a typical wind-free balmy and dry season. We ended up going to movies only once and watched almost no Netflix movies and television. We went to Monterey, the Children's Discovery museum, and listened to the San Francisco Symphony play for free in the park. Sarah composed her first violin piece, and Jenna patiently practiced her new Classical guitar moves. Naturally we all still sighed, and some stomped off in a huff when we tried to play ensemble pieces. Hmmmmm -- we have a ways to go, as the Americans say!
I am not a huge sports fan, but the Olympics were intriguing. Mostly, I read about it in the paper. Last Sunday morning when Master Phelps was on the front page, I said to Henk it is surprising to me that such a national sports hero doesn't have a fabulous nickname. If he had been South African, he would not have got off so lightly. Oh, no.
He would have been rechristened something suitable. No formal Namby Pamby Michael Phelps would be heard or written about. So I thought, let's check out Wikipedia for possible nicknames. Blank. Then I googled the question. Well, I found one page that asked for suggestions, but had no responses. Some radio show ran a competition online and got one entry which was declared the winner -- the Phelpinator. Seriously lame, people.
Apparently the Chinese call him "The flying Fish" in Chinese, which is terribly cute and witty if you are, or understand Chinese. Kudos to you guys.
If he had won so many gold medals for South Africa, he would never forget it. His nickname would be chanted at meets, it would be yelled in greeting every time he passed a stranger.
As a multicultural nation, we are fond of nicknames, and of course the African languages, of which we have nine, lend themselves beautifully to fun and quirky names.
South Africa is gearing up to host the finals of the Soccer World Cup in 2010. The soccer world will experience Cup Final Soccer ala African style for the first time ever, they say. It will be the first time in its history that an African nation hosts this big sporting event. If you are there, or watch the game, here are a few pointers.
Our team is called "Bafana Bafana". Go ahead and say it. Fun to say, isn't it?! It means "The Boys The Boys". And my personal favorite: "Laduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuma!"Literally means goal. But with much more panache, I think.
You will hear the loud elephant trumpeting of the fans. These are plastic horns that bellow like Buffalo and are easy and fun to use, making every grown-up feel like a kid again. Go ahead and buy your own Vuvuzela for the game. Fellow fans will eventually give in and ask to have a go on your "Voove" as they're known locally. Be a sport and lend your voove to the guy. Originally, they were Kudu horns, used to summon African villages to meetings, but before long they were so popular at Soccer games, that one enterprising company mass produced them in cheap plastic and a cultural phenomenon was born.
You will hear names like Sibusiso Zuma aka "Zuma the Puma";Phil Masinga aka "Chippa"; and my personal favorite, Mr John "Shoes" Moshoeu. When he gets the ball and zips along the field the crowd roars "Shoe-oes"; Shoe-oes!". Men and women finally united in a love for shoes. Nirvana. So I am holding out for the day that we get to host the Olympics, and give some African nicknames to the American stars. Think Brangelina is unique? Just wait.
Oh, and I forgot to mention the under 23 national soccer team, the "Amaglug- glug". Sponsored by a large petroleum company, of course. Get it?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Free Washing Machines
This morning I was listening to a convoluted discussion about America's Health Care System.
Messers McCain and Obama are both making big promises to remove the fear of not having a trained medical professional save your life when you or someone in your family gets horribly sick.
Over here, we are all familiar with the pitfalls and expenses of the health care system. The only truly interesting part of the discussion was not the promises of free services, tax breaks and health care for all, but rather the fact that someone mentioned that although the health care system is significantly worse than 16 years ago, the Democrats and Republicans offered exactly the same solutions then as they do in this run-up to the election. Hmm --- smacks of free washing machines.
When South Africa heralded its democracy in 1994, it was obliged to do so with the industry of good old politicians. Of all descriptions and ethical tendencies.
Occasionally, as a junior member of staff, I was summoned to deal with the awkward delegations who had arrived at the Houses of Parliament for their washing machines.
These were rural people. Usually elderly, wrapped in blankets, the harsh poverty of their lives carved into their faces in jagged lines. They were almost always quiet and dignified, and definitely more than patient. They arrived and waited. They stood quietly to one side and waited and waited. Everyone around them got uncomfortable.
A junior staff member was sent to speak with them.
I learned they had spent all their money to take a bus to the Capitol. They had arrived without money, food or anywhere to stay. They arrived, trusting their leader whom they believed in completely, would care for them, make good on the promises of food, jobs, health care and schooling, and -- give each one of them a free washing machine. Honestly, I have never seen people so set on not leaving without this promised luxury.
At first I had been incredulous and a bit amused. These people live in huts without running water, not to mention electricity. Then, it was just sad that they had been duped.
I knew the politicians they were waiting for. Their childlike expectations humbled me and made me angry that they had been manipulated in this manner on the rural campaign trail.
But it was not my place to do anything about it. I tried my best to get food and accommodation for these people and hoped for the actions of ethical elected leaders.
Sometimes, the government paid to send them home -- but naturally there was never any sign of a washing machine.
This played out a few times that year. It always ended the same, and I guess word eventually spread of the phantom washing machines. They stopped coming.
But I have retained my nose for free washing machines. If it sounds too good, it is. If a politician promises you something that seems impossible, it certainly is.
And if a politician takes advantage of a weaker person, there should be outrage and vocal opposition. The weak in our society must be protected by the ordinary, strong, educated and healthy adults who have the responsibility to dictate to our leaders how our personal world will be governed.
Messers McCain and Obama are both making big promises to remove the fear of not having a trained medical professional save your life when you or someone in your family gets horribly sick.
Over here, we are all familiar with the pitfalls and expenses of the health care system. The only truly interesting part of the discussion was not the promises of free services, tax breaks and health care for all, but rather the fact that someone mentioned that although the health care system is significantly worse than 16 years ago, the Democrats and Republicans offered exactly the same solutions then as they do in this run-up to the election. Hmm --- smacks of free washing machines.
When South Africa heralded its democracy in 1994, it was obliged to do so with the industry of good old politicians. Of all descriptions and ethical tendencies.
Occasionally, as a junior member of staff, I was summoned to deal with the awkward delegations who had arrived at the Houses of Parliament for their washing machines.
These were rural people. Usually elderly, wrapped in blankets, the harsh poverty of their lives carved into their faces in jagged lines. They were almost always quiet and dignified, and definitely more than patient. They arrived and waited. They stood quietly to one side and waited and waited. Everyone around them got uncomfortable.
A junior staff member was sent to speak with them.
I learned they had spent all their money to take a bus to the Capitol. They had arrived without money, food or anywhere to stay. They arrived, trusting their leader whom they believed in completely, would care for them, make good on the promises of food, jobs, health care and schooling, and -- give each one of them a free washing machine. Honestly, I have never seen people so set on not leaving without this promised luxury.
At first I had been incredulous and a bit amused. These people live in huts without running water, not to mention electricity. Then, it was just sad that they had been duped.
I knew the politicians they were waiting for. Their childlike expectations humbled me and made me angry that they had been manipulated in this manner on the rural campaign trail.
But it was not my place to do anything about it. I tried my best to get food and accommodation for these people and hoped for the actions of ethical elected leaders.
Sometimes, the government paid to send them home -- but naturally there was never any sign of a washing machine.
This played out a few times that year. It always ended the same, and I guess word eventually spread of the phantom washing machines. They stopped coming.
But I have retained my nose for free washing machines. If it sounds too good, it is. If a politician promises you something that seems impossible, it certainly is.
And if a politician takes advantage of a weaker person, there should be outrage and vocal opposition. The weak in our society must be protected by the ordinary, strong, educated and healthy adults who have the responsibility to dictate to our leaders how our personal world will be governed.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Barbara.
I met Barbara one Saturday sunset at the most desirable place to be in Cape Town at this time of day in summer.
La Med was, and may more than likely still be, a great place to have a cold sundowner with a bit of kick, and a tasty seafood snack. You could depend on live music wafting to the airy tables outdoors, a spectacular view of the sun setting over the ocean, and a high probability of bumping into people you know, like and may even care about.
Barbara, a petite, blond, tanned, and blue-eyed German girl was a friendly cocktail waitress who brought our gin-and-tonics, and lingered to chat. When we revealed ourselves to be a bunch of bar and nightclub workers, she charged us only for the alcohol, not the soft drinks, and removed the cover charge from our bill.
Although new to the job, she had quickly learned we were all part of a unspoken club that granted each other favors and special privileges on the infrequent nights we were not working long, hard hours serving revelers to pay our bills.
We stayed until dark, and reluctantly left when the party was ratcheting up for the raucous evening groove. We had clothes to change, comfortable shoes to pull on and floats to count. I waved goodbye, and told her to come by my place of work after her shift for a drink - I would put her on my staff guest list, and the bouncer would wave her in and usher her to the depths of the VIP lounge, a privilege for which social wannabes vied.
She appeared at midnight, her boyfriend, Mike, accompanying her. He was also blond, blue-eyed, sunburned with a very wide smile, and a heavy German accent. They were charming. They were traveling the country together, and had decided to spend some extra time in Cape Town in the summer.
A few days later, she called me early in the morning and asked whether I wished to explore the city with her. It sounded like fun, and I arranged to pick her up in my battered light yellow VW Jetta, which made up in attitude for what it lacked in youth and vigor.
We drove up cobbled, forgotten back streets of Cape Town City, unfashionable and seemingly ordinary. We walked for miles. Up rickety staircases careening up impossibly steep hillsides, and into garishly painted tiny corner cafes which sold spicy, deep fried snacks I was sure were going to poison us.
We sat on an old church wall, and ate ice-cream while talking about unimportant things, and watching the passing lives scuttle by.
Barbara had an incredible eye for minute detail, pointing out quietly ornate architecture made mute in the noisy city. She noticed absurd behavior in people, parents blindfolded by rushing, children protesting the pace and more aware than their protectors. We pulled faces at toddlers, who returned them more ghoulishly with glee and enthusiasm. We bought dates in a paper bag and spat the stones out under a tree in the empty botanical rose garden. It buzzed with insects, and the heavy scent of a thousand roses in full bloom made talk unnecessary. We had a good day.
Barbara told me stories of her travels. She and Mike hailed from a small, conservative town in Germany. She had yearned for the hodge-podge of cultures, colors and tongues of Africa, and the two of them had packed their rucksacks, pooled their savings and landed up in South Africa. They also arrived armed with legitimate, big-rig eighteen wheeler truck driving licenses. They had transported paper plates and plastic cups from coast to coast, industrial printing paper and printing press ink from North to South. They drove the country's vast landscape in the slow trucker's lane, with the truckers' radio and each other for company. They took breaks at friendly truck stops, and bought snacks and supplies at approved rest areas on the company's expense account. On long trips, they curled up tightly for the night in the big-rig's little sleeping cab, their big truck dark and still under some trees in the pitch black of the empty, long highways far from town. She said she heard the soul of the earth in those nights. And the safe voice of a dispatcher was just one button-click away.
She and Mike remained in Cape Town for the summer, and when the weather cooled, they packed their rucksacks, kissed us all goodbye, and bought air tickets to Kenya with their trucking wages. A small German girl had changed my perception of Cape Town forever -- and of course, of truckers.
La Med was, and may more than likely still be, a great place to have a cold sundowner with a bit of kick, and a tasty seafood snack. You could depend on live music wafting to the airy tables outdoors, a spectacular view of the sun setting over the ocean, and a high probability of bumping into people you know, like and may even care about.
Barbara, a petite, blond, tanned, and blue-eyed German girl was a friendly cocktail waitress who brought our gin-and-tonics, and lingered to chat. When we revealed ourselves to be a bunch of bar and nightclub workers, she charged us only for the alcohol, not the soft drinks, and removed the cover charge from our bill.
Although new to the job, she had quickly learned we were all part of a unspoken club that granted each other favors and special privileges on the infrequent nights we were not working long, hard hours serving revelers to pay our bills.
We stayed until dark, and reluctantly left when the party was ratcheting up for the raucous evening groove. We had clothes to change, comfortable shoes to pull on and floats to count. I waved goodbye, and told her to come by my place of work after her shift for a drink - I would put her on my staff guest list, and the bouncer would wave her in and usher her to the depths of the VIP lounge, a privilege for which social wannabes vied.
She appeared at midnight, her boyfriend, Mike, accompanying her. He was also blond, blue-eyed, sunburned with a very wide smile, and a heavy German accent. They were charming. They were traveling the country together, and had decided to spend some extra time in Cape Town in the summer.
A few days later, she called me early in the morning and asked whether I wished to explore the city with her. It sounded like fun, and I arranged to pick her up in my battered light yellow VW Jetta, which made up in attitude for what it lacked in youth and vigor.
We drove up cobbled, forgotten back streets of Cape Town City, unfashionable and seemingly ordinary. We walked for miles. Up rickety staircases careening up impossibly steep hillsides, and into garishly painted tiny corner cafes which sold spicy, deep fried snacks I was sure were going to poison us.
We sat on an old church wall, and ate ice-cream while talking about unimportant things, and watching the passing lives scuttle by.
Barbara had an incredible eye for minute detail, pointing out quietly ornate architecture made mute in the noisy city. She noticed absurd behavior in people, parents blindfolded by rushing, children protesting the pace and more aware than their protectors. We pulled faces at toddlers, who returned them more ghoulishly with glee and enthusiasm. We bought dates in a paper bag and spat the stones out under a tree in the empty botanical rose garden. It buzzed with insects, and the heavy scent of a thousand roses in full bloom made talk unnecessary. We had a good day.
Barbara told me stories of her travels. She and Mike hailed from a small, conservative town in Germany. She had yearned for the hodge-podge of cultures, colors and tongues of Africa, and the two of them had packed their rucksacks, pooled their savings and landed up in South Africa. They also arrived armed with legitimate, big-rig eighteen wheeler truck driving licenses. They had transported paper plates and plastic cups from coast to coast, industrial printing paper and printing press ink from North to South. They drove the country's vast landscape in the slow trucker's lane, with the truckers' radio and each other for company. They took breaks at friendly truck stops, and bought snacks and supplies at approved rest areas on the company's expense account. On long trips, they curled up tightly for the night in the big-rig's little sleeping cab, their big truck dark and still under some trees in the pitch black of the empty, long highways far from town. She said she heard the soul of the earth in those nights. And the safe voice of a dispatcher was just one button-click away.
She and Mike remained in Cape Town for the summer, and when the weather cooled, they packed their rucksacks, kissed us all goodbye, and bought air tickets to Kenya with their trucking wages. A small German girl had changed my perception of Cape Town forever -- and of course, of truckers.
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