Being a mom is one of the most confusing job titles some women will ever carry. Of course, once you add just a word or three in front of the word mom, you are dealing with an entirely new set of questions. A mom? Oh? Are you a stay-at-home mom or a working mom? (And, yes, all moms are working moms, but go with that phrase for the time being to mean women who work outside of their home as well as within it.) I have watched over the years as shots are fired from one camp into the other time and again. I have had a great seat for these events? How did I get faboo seats? Simple. I have never been fully immersed in either world for very long.

I get restless and try to jump from one to the other.

I was working and in college when I got pregnant with my oldest son. We decided that we would tighten the ol' financial belt so that I could stay home with our son. I tried so hard to fit in with the other stay-at-home-moms that I knew. But the truth of the matter was they scared me senseless. I didn't make my own baby food, use cloth diapers and was a miserable failure at breastfeeding. Though, I was among them, I felt like an outsider looking in most of the time. It wasn't long before I was looking over the fence with jealousy at those amazing women who left the house in nice clothes without baby snot or food on them. That looked perfect. By the time I reached a point of turning myself inside out over whether to work outside the home or not, I became pregnant with my younger son. The offer was off the table.

Over the years I became more confident in myself and worried less about whether or not I was Good Enough to be a stay-at-home-mom. Time and experience--as well as seeing that other moms are not necessarily better off or for that matter better than I was. It took quite a few knock-downs before I realized that.

And it is those knock-downs that to this day rub me wrong and set me off. Why is it that other moms who fail somehow make us feel better? Is it the solidarity of knowing that we are not the only ones that make mistakes? Or is it the silent voice in our head that says At least I didn't do that! that keeps us feeling less like failures?

Ayelet Waldman discusses in the most recent issue of New York Magazine the phenomenon of the Bad Mommy Brigade. She touched on a few ways we cope when we feel as if we perhaps are The Bad Mommy and how we some moms make themselves feel better about the guilt and feelings of not being good enough.

One way to find consolation in the face of all this failure and guilt is to judge ourselves not against the impossible standard of the Good Mother but against the fun-house-mirror-image Bad Mother. By defining for us the kind of mother we’re not, the Bad Mother makes it easier for us to live with what we are. We may be discontented and irritable, we may snap after the 67th knock-knock joke, our kids may watch three hours of television a day, we may have just celebrated the second anniversary of the last time we had sex, we may have forgotten to pack a snack, or, God forbid, bought one replete with partially hydrogenated vegetable oils, we may yank on our daughters’ ponytails while we’re combing their hair, but at least we aren't Britney Spears.

She goes on to say:

Another strategy some of us have come up with to deal with our sense of failure and guilt is to rebel, to embrace the very identity we are afraid of. We bad moms vociferously resist and resent the glorification of the self-abnegating mother. We snarl at the mention of Dora the Explorer and loathe the wannabe Good Mothers with their aggressive school volunteering, their Bugaboo strollers, and their Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bags.

I have seen myself do both, if I am going to be honest. Not to look at a celebrity per se in comparison, but to look at another mother that I feel has messed up in a bad way and silently judged and thought At least I didn't do that. And, yes, I have also "beaten my critics" to the punch by putting myself down and admitting to my inadequacies before they can. Have you?

The article seemed to resonate with Carolyn of NYC Moms Blog.

Her comments have really stuck with me. Aren’t I a Good Mommy? Much of my current identity is wrapped up in how well I am performing my current job. Without reviews from bosses, I can only perform self-evaluations. Would I give myself a raise? Or even a pat on the back? I couldn’t help but check off each mention of every important good mommy task in the article – and make notes of things I hadn’t yet thought of (note to self: volunteer in the community). Then I ask myself why I want this “perfect mommy” status – is it because I want to raise a super, awesome kid who will be a major contributor to society or because I don’t want the other overachiever moms at the playground to judge my parenting skills and find them lacking?

It is so common to worry more about what the Other Moms will think when we try to branch out. And that worry? It can scare us moms. Sometimes needlessly. Miss Zoot shares with us her recent inaugural venture out into the world of stay-at-home moms.

While adventuring around town this week, looking for free entertainment for my child, I discovered that our Barnes & Noble has Story time every Monday and Thursday. The kids get read a story and then they do a craft associated with the story. We decided to try it yesterday, and I was very nervous. Yes…you heard me right…I was nervous about story time. I’ve officially reached a new level with my anxiety. I’m scared of being read to, or crafts, or something.

To a person who has never been in her shoes, that may seem absurd. To those of us who have had the knotted up stomach when it comes to such events, we heard her. We understood it. What if the groups was close knit and resistant to outsiders? What is they already knew each other and ignored not only me, but my child? What if...?

I saw them talking and laughing in their pre-formed group and glaring at NikkiZ and I as we walked in. I heard them whispering about my mismatched socks and wondering if my child had been bathed in the last week. Essentially? I predicted this to be the most heartless and evil group of women on the planet. Because that makes sense for story time at Barnes & Noble.

It can be intimidating going from one world to the other. Even when we know we have made the right decision for ourselves and our family, we can look in the mirror at times and ask What have I done? Who of us have not reached that point- regardless of which side of the fence you sit on?

When I read on Self-Made Mom the feelings she had- and the internal debate that went on- after she chose to stay at home with her son, I completely identified with the strength in which she knew she made the right decision mixed with the questions.

There was a point in time about two months ago where I made a decision not to go on a business trip because I didn’t have to, and things would be so much easier at home if I didn’t go.

I passed on a golden opportunity to shine in front of senior management so that I could help my husband set up my son’s ginormous plastic kitchen. The moment I made that decision, I felt the weight of all the mommy guilt I’ve ever known lifted off of my shoulders and I was as happy as I’ve ever been since I had my son.

I knew then that the working thing just wasn’t going to work anymore.

There also was a point in time two days ago, after having SpaghettiO’s hurled at me (I experienced a whole new meaning to “uh oh, SpaghettiO’s”), when I read a client e-mail that said, “too bad you’re leaving us, we’re really going to miss you” and thought, “what the hell did I just do?”

The working thing wasn’t working anymore, but would the stay-at-home mom thing work better?

I think so. But if you’re neurotic and nervous like me you can never know if you’re making the “right” decisions. All I could do, I told myself, was weigh all the options (including not being able to buy everything on winter sale right now) and do what my gut told me. That I want to retreat from corporate America and stay home with my son.

With no regrets.

I think the sentence that sums it all up is the last one I posted quoting her.

With no regrets.

Working outside the home. Stay-at-home mom. Work-at-home mom. A mixture of all of those. It doesn't matter. Do you know what makes you a Good Mom?

Being whatever kind of mom you are- by choice or circumstances- with no regrets.

I am finally at peace with my choices. Are you?

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BlogHer editor Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee, Mommybloggers and Aggroqueen.