It's all fun and games until someone calls Daddy a pervert
by Mir Kamin

It's a beautiful day and Dad has taken the kids out to play on an inflatable slide; they're all laughing and having a great time, and he snaps some pictures of the fun... until he's called a pervert and told to stop.

I think that sounds like a plot for a ridiculous, contrived fiction story, but it's what actually happened to the U.K.'s Gary Crutchley when he was on an outing with his two sons and other parents protested his picture-taking:

'I repeated that the only people being photographed were my own children. She said I could be taking pictures of just any child to put on the internet and called me a pervert. We immediately left the show.'

Mrs Crutchley, 37, a teaching support assistant and qualified nursery nurse, said: 'I was shocked by the reaction of those women.

'It is very sad when every man with a camera enjoying a Sunday afternoon out in the park with his children is automatically assumed to be a pervert.'

I think the reason I was so struck by this story is that my husband is a photographer. One of the unexpected side benefits of remarriage, for me, is that I now have countless gorgeous pictures of my kids from various activities. When I was the only one with the camera, either the pictures never got taken or they featured lots of shots that came out either headless or blurry. Now when we go on a special outing, generally my husband is clicking away. No one has ever accused him of being a pedophile because of it, and never had it occurred to me that anyone might.

Maybe they haven't because I'm there, too? But a -- *gasp* -- man without an attendant spouse, taking pictures, must be a pervert?

That's a very sad commentary on society, right there.

Dr. Helen says "That's the way society is these days":

So, guys, remember, if you're out and about on a Sunday afternoon and have a camera in hand, especially in the UK, you may just be labled a pervert. I hate to think what would happen if a lone man actually walked around taking pictures without his own children present. Jail time may be next, if decent people don't stand up against this sort of absurdity.

At Inside Looking Out the author -- a mother of five -- says this isn't the first paranoid societal overreaction in recent memory:

I recall but as yet cannot locate another news story from the past that totally freaked me out. The gist of it was that a father was changing his son's diaper, and while he did this, he blew a raspberry on the child's belly. This was caught on camera by the wife. When the film was processed at a local shop, the shop keeper called the authorities because this was clearly unnatural, and these parents were bombarded by child services who removed from their children and I think they did time for 18 months - because of what amounts to a rush-to-judgment and hysteria.

Inside Motherhood reacts as a fellow parent and photographer:

I don’t take pictures of them playing with other kids unless I know them fairly well, but if I was accused of being a pervert or told I was doing something wrong for taking pictures of my own children playing, I’d be very upset, very offended, and wouldn’t really know what to do. I’d probably comply just because I wouldn’t want anyone to break my camera (or get physical with me directly) but I’d be very angry about it.

Over at Feminocracy, the finger-pointing is swift and precise:

So is it a self fulfilling prophecy? We expect men to be incompetent caregivers and react harshly when they aren't acting in that role? Again, I'm afraid I'll have to blame the patriarchy. Parenting isn't women's work, and I think some people still haven't grasped that. The mothers at the slide truly believed that a man could not be present in a parental capacity and that he must be there in the role of lustful predator. It just reaffirms all of the stale stereotypes about men, women, love, and lust. Men are capable of feeling more than lust and of being perfectly capable parents.

I told you the patriarchy hurts women AND men.

In this case, it hurts children, too. Can you imagine being out at the park with Dad when people start accusing him of being a pervert? That's a whole conversation most parents don't anticipate having to have with their kids....

BlogHer Contributing Editor Mir also blogs about issues parental and otherwise at Woulda Coulda Shoulda, and about the joys of mindful retail therapy at Want Not.

Submitted by Mir Kamin (view blog) on Wed, 07/16/2008 - 20:44

Comments

 

Last week I took pictures of

Last week I took pictures of my kids at the city pool. I was taking closeups of them coming down the slide and diving off the diving board. Plus it was the night swim so there weren't very many kids there. But I did get some looks and I knew some people didn't approve. It didn't stop me from taking photos though. It's sad that we live in a society where somebody taking pictures is a real threat. I know I was innocently taking photos of my kids, but to most of the pool patrons I was a total stranger taking photos of kids at the pool. And in today's world that can be a very scary thing.

Christine
The Bean Blog

Submitted by thebeanblog on Wed, 07/16/2008 - 19:38
 

judge not

WOW this story really impacted me. We are such a fear based society that the reactions don't surprise me, but they do disappoint me. Humans are so quick to lay judgment on others.... will that ever change?

 

Still searching...www.illusivejoy.wordpress.com

Submitted by illusivejoy on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 06:03
 

The UK Is Hypersensitive to Street
Photography In General

There have been other instances where folks were taking a photo and were reported to the UK police.

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/12/18/uk-police-seize-amat.html
http://www.boingboing.net/2008/03/04/london-cops-declare.html

There is a lot of confusion between the right of personal photography and terroristic activities. I know I don't shoot photos of kids anymore because I don't aways have access to the parents to ask permission.

Scary times.
Gena - Out On The Stoop

Submitted by Gena Haskett on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 07:30
 

I actually felt guilty...

This past weekend, my sister, her husband and kids, my fiancee, and a friend of ours were all at a rodeo. It was an outdoor rodeo, so we were all sitting in the grass, enjoying the festitivies and I, of course, was snapping away with my SLR - not just of the rodeo, but of my cuter-than-cute 3-year-old niece.

While I won't have to deal with people from the "film processing" studio harassing me, I did feel guilty while tweaking the photos in Picasa because one of THE cutest pictures I got was of my niece eating a popsicle. I'm sure you realize what reference I'm making, and while I was photographing her eating this thing it never dawned on me what that'd look like...

Like I said, afterwards, while preparing the images for Shutterfly - I later sent them out to Mom, my sister, etc - I actually thought of NOT including that shot because of the "nature" of it. Of course, my family won't see it that way, thank goodness, but if I'd have read this post beforehand, I might not've taken the shot at all!

I don't want to have to worry about that...

"Todo el mundo sonríe en el mismo idioma."
(Everyone smiles in the same language.)

Submitted by SaritaB on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 08:08
 

A little off topic...

But I used to work as an illustrator.  I did a lot of work for children's right organisations.  I always got in trouble with this kind of thing as I would for example show a young boy - possibly about 9-11 years old, holding a little girl who still wears nappies. Very cute and happy and huggy.  No, I am told.  We are not allowed to show this kind of thing as it could be interpreted as being sexual abuse.  Too many boys interfere with their younger sisters.  So there goes my attempt to show a innocent childlike picture...

Submitted by mashadutoit on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 10:08
 

Hi all, I am Gary Crutchley,

Hi all,

I am Gary Crutchley, the person to whom this story relates.

I must admit that I was very shocked by the incident on Sunday, although you might be surprised to learn that this was not the first time I have encountered this problem.

I have three sons, and a year ago my oldest son joined his first Sunday football team. When he played his first game I turned up with him, with my camera, it was in a public park. After just a few photos a woman insisted that I must stop taking photographs because her son was also playing. As on Sunday, she was very verbal and agressive.

I stood my ground, but my son was very concerned that he wouldn't get selected to play again if I made a fuss. So since that day I haven't been able to photograph him playing the sport that he loves.

Do you not think that is sad?

I do.

Thanks for your comments,

Gary 

Submitted by gary_crutchley on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 16:03
 

my goodness

Thanks so much for stopping by, Gary. I am so saddened that this already ridiculous set of events wasn't an isolated case. Hopefully with the story getting some press, people who are quick to paranoia might rethink their reactions.

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Having it all with less: Want Not

Submitted by Mir Kamin on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 16:21
 

I am very saddened by all of

I am very saddened by all of this. And while I try to understand people's fear, I try to keep it in perspective and I refuse to buy into the irrationality of some of it.

If my kids are at a park or playing a sport of wherever, I'm going to take pictures of them. I will do my utmost to ensure that only they appear in the photos but I'm not going to kill myself over it. They have a right to protect their children but at the same time, I have a right to enjoy my children. I refuse to have my children grow up with no photographs of their childhood because of fear.

I do understand that it's harder for men to take this perspective and I wish I knew of an answer to that, because I think fathers have every right as mothers to enjoy their children and capture everyday moments.

 

Andrea

The Creative Junkie

http://www.thecreativejunkie.com

Submitted by CreativeJunkie on Fri, 07/18/2008 - 05:33
 

 WOW!  It's amazing that a

 WOW!  It's amazing that a FATHER can't take pictures of his own kids...  It leaves me speechless.  Which brings up an interesting point... if I woman was to show up taking the same photos would the people be mad as well because their kids were playing?

 

  As long as it's a public place, I stand my ground.  I couldn't imagine being told that I wasn't allowed to take photos of my own kids.  Even if it did include a part of another child (head, arm, etc) you can always crop and edit.

 

  I do understand not wanting to cause problems for the boy at games...  it was very understanding of the father to put the camera away.  

Jess

Sugar 'N Spice

Submitted by jesskirk on Tue, 07/22/2008 - 19:14
 

Camera Shy

I'm seeing this more and more.  I had a patient whose mother took away her friends' phones when they came in the house she got so paranoid about who knows what.  I agree, it's geting ridiculous.

 

therapydoc

at EveryoneNeedsTherapy

Submitted by Therapy Doc on Tue, 07/22/2008 - 19:31
 

WOW

This is the first I have ever heard of this kind of thing. I am going to take pictures of my kids no matter who likes it and who doesn't. People need to slow down sometimes. When I am taking pictures of my kids in a public place I am certainly not trying to get other kids in the shot but if it happens it happens, I don't care if they are in the shot, the purpose is so that I have pictures of MY kids.

Kelli

Submitted by MnMommyof2 on Thu, 07/24/2008 - 07:49