Three years ago on October 7th, my three month old daughter Ella died. The three months she experienced this world was asking a lot of her. In 2001 my birthed my first child at 21 weeks gestation without success. Now I'm left with memories and anxiety that have began to affect many aspects of my life. I have anxiety of visiting doctors and stress about death of my other children. I know death is as much of life as birth. I am a firm believer in celebration at death, it's as important to our existence as birth. That doesn't make it easy.