I can now say with total, complete and utter sincerity that in this town, if a person finds a car that can get them from point A to point B, it's drivable. In my 11 years in L.A. I have seen cars with more duct tape on them than a kidnap victim. I've seen some held together with nothing more than glue and a daily prayer to God that the f*@er will still turn over.

Have you ever been on a date and when you realized the guy 'just wasn't that into you" then proceeded to tell him everything that's wrong with you?I went out with this guy the other day. It was one of those general interview type dates. You know the ones where you're only there to find out 1. If you want to sleep with him and 2. If you would actually want to TALK to him afterward.

I was in a car accident the other day with a guy who ran a red light. Being people in L.A. are always in a hurry, this guy never bothered to pull over, leaving me holding the bag or, in this case, my headlight.

Up until I turned 40, I can honestly  say that whenever I saw somebody who I considered old, you know, like...40...I would just look at them, completely unable to relate and, to be honest, totally unaccepting of the idea that one day that would be me. 

Recently, after ten minutes of dinner conversation with Phoebe wherein I found myself nodding and saying things like: JESSICA: My eyes aren’t purple, your eyes are purple. I just couldn’t pretend smile anymore and so I stupidly decided to ask her what she wanted for Hanukkah. PHOEBE: I want a kitty cat and a puppy and 2 bunny rabbits to which I responded: